“My ex was bad but his sex was so good” she told me. I was counseling her. She was talking about how the sex-life in her marriage is boring, her husband doesn’t have game in bed like her ex did. She talked about how skillful her ex was with his tongue, touch, different positions and how he would take her to places. “Why are bad people so great at sex?”

she lamented. “I mean, my husband is saved, a good man, a good father but his sex is poor. No imagination, no excitement, no creativity” she went on to say. I understand what she was talking about because some saved people have a negative view of sex. They think sex was only meant for procreation. Sex to them is a duty rather than a celebration of love between husband and wife as intended by God.

Many saved people think that God is only concerned about their spiritual life and yet God also cares about every aspect of our lives. It is God who created our sexual bodies; the penis, the clit, the vagina, the nipples. Sex is not evil. Let us stop giving credit to the devil for something that is not the devil’s idea. Sex is Godly.

“Most of the time, the people who are bad for you are so good at sex because that’s the only thing they know or can give… ask yourself why you are no longer with your ex, because in as much as he was great in bed, he wasn’t lifetime material like you’re husband” I told her.

She allowed me to share this as long as I don’t disclose her identity. That is the danger of sex. Sex can keep you in the wrong relationship or keep you missing the wrong person. Many who had sex with someone or people they eventually did not get married to have ended up comparing their spouse’s sex with that of an ex or a past flame.

You find a husband thinking to himself “My ex used to squirt but my wife doesn’t”, “My ex had a bigger butt than my wife”, “My ex used to moan but my wife is so silent”… or you find a wife saying “My ex used to give me good doggy but my husband only spoons”, “My ex used to carry me but my husband can’t handle my weight”, “My ex used to lick me up till I orgasm but my husband is so rough and brief with his tongue, he can’t handle my body” Some married couples want to see their ex in their spouse, they copy paste what they used to do with their ex and want to force it in their spouse.

Just because your ex loved being pinched on her nipples, doesn’t mean your wife will be OK with being pinched. Just because your ex used to love speaking dirty moaning “F*ck me daddy”, doesn’t mean your wife will be comfortable with such language. Just because your ex loved being spanked and her hair pulled as you pump in with force, doesn’t mean your wife will find pleasure in pain.

Just because your ex loved anal or her ears or feet were sexual spots, doesn’t mean your wife is the same” Just because your ex used to love his balls rubbed and squeezed, doesn’t mean your husband will; some men’s scrotum are annoyingly ticklish, not sensitive. Just because your ex didn’t have sensitive nipples, doesn’t mean your husband is the same; some men have really sexually sensitive nipples.

Just because your ex favourite style was missionary, doesn’t mean you insist on that with your husband” And this right here is the problem with having sex with people or someone you don’t end up getting married to; if the sex with an ex was great, many want to copy paste that steamy sex in their marriage; forgetting that their spouse is a different person with a different body and sexual preferences. This is why it is advised to keep off playing with sex because it can confuse you.

Many adults are busy chasing after orgasms as they waste their time and go nowhere, aging as they wonder why they are not getting married. If your goal is merely an orgasm and hot sexual experiences, you will be drawn to people who are sexual towards you and miss out on those who see you for more than sex .

This is why it is advisable that if you have broken up with someone you were in a sexual relationship with, take time to heal and clear your mind, body and spirit. Clean yourself up so that you are ready for a new relationship that God willing will lead to marriage. Don’t jump into one sexual buddy to another, your frequency of love will be affected. When married, stop making your spouse compete with your ex sexually. Stop looking for your ex in your spouse.

There is a reason why your ex is an ex; close that chapter, bury it, they may have been great at sex but they lacked the substance to build a lasting marriage because life is more than sex. And to those who are good spouses; faithful, loving, thoughtful, Godly and great parents; don’t forget to be great in bed too.

Enjoy the sweetness of love making and intimacy, study your spouse’s body, purpose to give your spouse maximum pleasure. Your marriage deserves a healthy sex-life. Written by Danjuma Iliya.


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