I have received several questions on how to attract a Godly man or find a virtuous woman for marriage.
- Don’t be Tribalistic.
I have counseled several singles at 30+ and I confirmed one of the reasons many are still single is because of tribalism.
A brother who is 34 years said he can’t get married until he sees a sister from Akwa Ibom state, he said the parents warned him never to bring any lady from other states because all his brothers married outside their state. Imagine how they are playing tribalism with his marriage?
A lady told me that the parents warned her never to bring any man from Ondo and Ekiti state despite she spent eight years at home after graduation without a Godly man.
Imagine the way they are being tribalistic with her marriage not minding if she’s being led by the HOLY SPIRIT?
There are different fallacious beliefs many singles are into:
Some believe Ekiti and Òndó State people are stubborn.
Some believe all people in Ọ̀yọ́ State can insult and curse the hell out of you.
Some believe all Ògún State people have Jazz (juju) to attack their partner.
Some believe Edo man can never marry one wife.
Yorùbá believe all Cross River state – Calabar people eat human flesh.
Singles believe all Akwa Ibom ladies are prostitute and cannot be satisfied with one man.
Some believe all Hausa are dormant, uncivilized, dull, poor and illiterate.
These and many more are the things I hear from singles about why their parents said they should not marry a person or why they themselves doesn’t want to marry someone from other tribe.
I have checked all through my Bible and I can’t find a verse to support their wrong beliefs.
The only thing I could trace in the Bible is that, if any man or woman is in Christ (not Church), such is a new creature and the states of origin doesn’t matter. We are one body in Christ. There is no Yorùbá, Igbó, Hausa or whatever tribe in the Kingdom of God. We are children of God.
I know several Yorùbá who married Hausa and their marriage is blissful.
I have seen several Yorùbá tribe who married Igbó tribe and their marriage is blissful.
I have seen several who married from their tribe and the marriage did not work and end up in divorce and vice versa.
A young lady was telling me about how sorrowful she’s about her parent’s marriage despite they are from the same tribe.
She’s yet to be engaged and I ask her what if God gives her a Yorùbá man, being an Igbó lady and she said No. I asked, why? That he’s from another tribe.
I asked, is your father and mother not from same tribe? She said yes. I asked again, did their marriage work? She became speechless.
I told her who said your marriage would work just because you married someone from your tribe even if the person is not right for you?
How dare you accused the White of being racist when you are tribalistic? You are in same category. Shun tribalism and follow God’s leading.
- Stop Giving Unrealistic Specification.
She or he must be a Virgin. Who told you only virgins makes the best husband or wife?
I know a particular brother who’s above thirty and he’s still making Virginity as the first specification her future partner must have even if her character is bad. Being a Virgin is not bad.
It’s not bad to desire a virgin but be sure you are not being carnal.
He must have a house or car.
He or she must be earning six figures salary.
He or she must be six feet tall.
He must has six pack and she must be figure eight.
He must be dark or very light skinned?
If your partner meet all the lists you have written, what are you bringing to their life? I didn’t mean you should not stand for sexual purity till marriage or have a desire.
I visited a couple last month and I was amazed at what God did through their marriage.
The wife told me she never wanted to marry the husband when he came to propose because he’s an albino.
She said she wanted to marry someone with same skin color like her not an albino.
She told me that they knew each other long ago because they attended same fellowship during undergraduate school. The brother studied law and he’s a Barrister with a good job while she studied linguistic.
She said after she has made up her mind to reject his proposals, a direct prophecy came out to her from an assistant General Overseer of Redeemed Christian Church of God in a programme that she should never disobey God in her marital choice.
She said that was how she has to lay aside her specification of marrying someone with black skin and accept the proposal of the albino husband.
She made me to realize that it was better for her to break her heart than loose her soul all in the name of looking for a dark skinned man.
They are happily married today.
She made me realize that it doesn’t worth it to miss your God given husband because of his skin Color that beauty is in vain but a Man or Woman that fears God will be blessed.
Some specifications people are giving, even our Lord Jesus Christ cannot meet up with it.
Sometimes in your choice of life partner, God’s way is not your way at all.
If it’s based on physical look alone, David will never have become a king in Israel because Prophet Samuel appointed Eliab because he has good physical appearance.
- Be active for God on Social media and offline.
Discover and fulfill purpose.
Discover your purpose and start fulfilling it.
Before thinking of bringing a woman into your life, ensure that you have discovered who you are in God first.
Before thinking of joining a Man, discover your purpose first.
Start fulfilling your purpose offline.
While fulfilling your purpose, you will meet your God given husband.
We are in a digital world, you need to leverage on social media as well.
Brothers and sisters who are actively fulfilling Purpose and working for God don’t lack suitors, rather they should choose as led by the HOLY SPIRIT out of many suitors.
One of the reasons you don’t have Godly suitors is because you are not purpose driven.
I have seen several people who met their husband and wife on Facebook.
Dr. and Dr. Mrs Ekundayo met on social media and their marriage is blessed with beautiful children.
Mr and Mrs. Adebayo met on Facebook and their marriage is blessed with three children.
Mr and Mrs Afolabi met on Facebook and their marriage is blessed with children.
Mr and Mrs Iyiola met on Facebook.
Life is personal.
Don’t be ruled by what some people will say.
Create a good and mature Facebook profile.
Use beautiful and HD pictures.
State your potentials on your Facebook profile.
Avoid unnecessary tagging and dirty posts on your profile timeline.
I had a mentee who complained she doesn’t get proposals, I taught her writing and encouraged her to write more frequently on Facebook, her testimony changed due to the number of Godly brothers coming around after she became a giant writer.
If you are a singer, how many of your Facebook pictures is showing where you are singing or having life concert?
Uploading beautiful pictures alone may never attract any good brothers to you but the lustful one.
You cannot attract a Godly man with carnal methods.
A friend told me that God told him a sister’s name he should marry, he said he tried searching the name online but found it on Instagram but the lady’s dressing and the pictures she was posting made it look like she was a Prostitute. Most of her pictures are seductive and lustful with ungodly pose and bikini pictures.
I told my friend, if what you see doesn’t connote with what you heard, then you didn’t hear well, prayerfully move on.
- Associate with Godly people.
Be Social and don’t be a lone ranger.
Who are your friends? You can’t be looking for a Goldy partner and all your friends are sinners and worldly people.
You said you don’t like making friends with spiritual people, are you saying you want to marry carnal person?
The reason Samson met his destruction was because he associated himself with sinners and that was why he was able to find Delilah.
Surround yourself with Godly brothers and sisters, then it will be easy for you to find a brother or sister that you are attracted or compatible with for marriage.
- Be friendly.
You are 30+ and a responsible Brother asks for your number or an hang out but you declined, what’s your problem?
I realized that many sisters within the age range of 18 to 25 are usually hostile with brothers because of numerous suitors.
Many sisters husband has sent them messenger messages for more than a year.
Reply some of those messenger messages.
I don’t mean that you should reply a brother who calls you sexy, baby, sweetie, honey or any romantic name on first chat or as a stranger.
There are few good brothers online while many are fake and fraudsters. Be Wise.
Learn to make friends with opposite sex without being emotionally attached.
Some sisters believe smiling will make them carnal.
Some brothers are so scared to even tell you their marriage proposal because you don’t smile.
Create a friendly environment for brothers to express their minds.
You scare away all brothers and sisters that come visiting in your home, who will marry you then?
Remember hospitality is one of the Commandments of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Treat people well when they visit you.
Cook for them and make them feel comfortable.
- Dress well.
You can’t dress like an harlot and expect to be proposed to by a Saint.
You will attract whoever you are not the person you want.
You can’t wear a dress that shows your breasts and attract a Godly brother.
You can’t dress to be sexy and not be wool by sex driven guys.
A dress that reveals all the shapes of your bumbum, breasts and all the contours in your body will only attract a lustful man.
You can dress to be attractive and not sexy.
Role on is just 500naira, you won’t die if you start using it brother because many sisters can’t withstand the smell oozing from you.
Dear Brother, Perfume is not bad if you have body odour.
It’s not until you wear your ancestors trousers before we know you are spiritual, Godly sisters are moved by what they see also.
- Don’t be too Churchy.
I have brothers and sisters who are hell bent that their partner must come from their church.
A brother who is 34 years old was thinking of going into a courtship with a sister but this brother stays in Ikorodu and worships in Ìjẹ̀bú òde every Sunday despite he does not have a car.
The sister says she can’t cope with traveling to such far distance for worship if they get married.
She suggested he should change his church to the nearby branch but could you imagine this brother insisted he cannot leave his church in Ìjẹ̀bú Òde and they have to part ways.
Your partner may not come from your church.
I have seen Deeper life marry Mountains of fire members.
I have seen Anglican marry Catholic members.
God cannot only be found in your church alone.
The most important thing is that, are you ready to attend his church and obey their doctrines after wedding? If yes, continue or else break up.
- Don’t be age driven.
Some Sisters says they can’t marry brothers they are older than.
Some Brothers says they can’t marry a sister who’s older than them.
I have heard some ladies say they can’t marry someone who their age mate.
I have heard some ladies say I can’t marry someone who is more than ten years older than them.
You are simply wasting your time and your eyes will be opened when you clock 40 years without any partner.
Who told you that age is equal to wisdom? Who told you that age is maturity? I have seen people who are older but not matured or wise and still think like a teenager.
I have seen teenagers who behave in a well mature way than people in 30s and 40s.
I rarely assess people by their age but their actions and behavior.
If it’s only by age, don’t forget foolish people grow older as well.
I have seen many marriages that get divorced, most of the husbands are older. Does the age save the marriage? No. It’s not only by age but by maturity, wisdom and knowledge of God in a man or woman.
My Church G. O is younger than the wife.
I know a brother who married a sister that’s five years older.
My mentor’s sister married a man she’s 8 years older than.
My friend’s father is 20 years older than the mother. Their marriage is 30 years.
- Develop Good Character and be domesticated.
A brother said he visited a female friend in another University who they met through Facebook. Despite traveling a long distance to meet this sister in her school, she refused to offer him a food but just junks and I was amazed by what kind of person she’s.
The brother said he went hungry overnight because she stayed over while she went to sleep in her friend’s house.
I began to think if the brother was coming with a marriage proposal, he will keep his proposal to himself. How much does it cost to entertain a visitor? I learnt the sister said she doesn’t like cooking that just biscuit is OK to sustain her.
A sister who can insult or talk anyhow to brothers will scare suitors away from her.
What does it cost you to respect people by using “SIR” and “MA”? it won’t reduce you.
A stingy and selfish brother will scare suitors away from him.
A arrogant, disrespectful, stubborn or incorrigible and unteachable brother will scare suitors away from him.
Part of developing good character is to get a skill or degree.
A jobless man or woman may not attract a godly life partner.
Adam had a job or skill before God gave him a wife.
Don’t look for someone who will accept you the way you are when you are not working to improve yourself.
While looking for a partner, get job and skills. Don’t remain idle. Make your own money.
- Don’t be over spiritual.
More than 90% of people who are successfully married today didn’t hear anything from God about their partner before they get married.
Many people have bastardized hearing from God.
I am not saying Holy Spirit cannot guide you to know the right person.
But it’s not everyone that will hear a loud voice that he or she is your partner.
Many sisters will claim they have not heard from God about a brother’s proposal after months. That’s wickedness!
If you have not been hearing from God before now, how do you want to hear from Him when it comes to marriage proposal?
Stop deceiving yourself because that’s not possible. Hearing from God is gradual and procedural and not magical like you think.
May true love find you!
(Proverbs 31:30 KJV) Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.