Everyone has experienced control. Someone either controlled you or you controlled somebody. A lot are still experiencing control; you are either controlling someone or someone is controlling you. A healthy person does not control others neither do they allow anyone to control them.
Due to the harsh experiences of life in Africa, a lot of people equate physical violence with control, both are miles apart. Someone hitting or beating you to shut you down is different from someone making you do something you don’t want to do (control in relationship is a very wide topic. I will write more later). I am talking about the latter.
No one has any right to make you do things you don’t want to do. If your partner is making you do things you don’t want to do whether by shouting at you, keeping malice, withdrawing from the relationship, using emotional blackmail, giving you money, abusing you, getting bitter, fighting you, reporting you or do any other thing that puts you under stress, duress, pain, sorrow, sadness, guilt, condemnation or self pity till you oblige, your partner is controlling you and in plain language, your relationship is sick! If you get married without breaking that cycle, your marriage will not work and may eventually graduate to domestic violence!
You must stop that control.
They should not control you in courtship and you should not control them.
You are to correct in love, communicate maturely, motivate each other, inspire each other, forgive each other when you make mistakes and teach each other how to do things better next time. Be forgiving, be tender hearted, be compassionate.
If your partner insists on doing what is wrong which are not comfortable with at all, either pray for them asking God to intervene or you end the relationship in peace!
Your core value does not tally and your marriage will experience serious crises. Let Amos 3:3 be your watch word to avoid stories that touch.
Ask serious questions on core values to know what you can cope with and what you cannot before you head the altar!
There are certain things you can overlook and there are some things that mean life and death to you!
Don’t get emotional when you should be logical!
Don’t be sentimental when you should be spiritual
Don’t be foolish when you should be wise!
Detect signs of control early in your courtship and save your future from heartache and pain.