When the wrong one shows up, they won’t show up with red flags. They show up with potential, possibilities and every external attraction that you need to give them a chance. Here’s the thing, initial attraction is superficial — not deep. Remember, you don’t know somebody until you know them. The truth is, you don’t know somebody just because they say I love you.
What does it take to know somebody? Boundaries. It’s not what they say, it’s not how they look, it’s not even how they make you feel. It’s how they respect boundaries. A clown can make you feel good and cross your boundaries at the same time. A predator/abuser/narcissist can make your heart sing and make your spirit grieve at the same time. Feelings don’t tell us if someone is right, their consistent behavior over time does.
And can I tell you this, you will never stop paying attention to behavior. Never. See, boundaries don’t just help us to keep wrong people out, boundaries help us to put wrong people out when wrong people slip in. The Bible tells you, “Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8)…not just when you meet somebody beloved, be sober-minded and alert to keep somebody.
Trust your gut, stick to your boundaries and remember, just because you let somebody in doesn’t mean you stop being sober-minded and alert.
