When I met Dewunmi, he was the only one I saw and I fell in love with him, all of him minus his dad, mum and siblings. It’s not my fault, they weren’t the one I fell in love with.
He came from a very disciplined background, mine was liberal and that didn’t excite me to meet his people especially when he told me I couldn’t go see them with short skirt, jewelries or trousers. I defiantly told him I would go exactly the way I wanted to and they must accept me the way I am.
I tried being “myself” for a some years and had unnecessarily grid locks and conflict I shouldn’t have had.
My dad in-law is the best dad in-law in the world (no exaggeration. Call it bias, I love him so what do you expect?) My mum in-law has deep seated compassion for me because I have no mum, my brothers in-law’s respect for me is out of this world and my sisters in-law are my paddy and gist mates.
That is who they have always been right from time. My siblings in-law had this unexplainable flow with me since they knew I would be marrying their brother but I had some unnecessary conflicts with mum in-law because I was foolish, proud, adamant, bossy and domineering.
I wanted her to see things my way, do things my way and follow my way. She must stay exactly where I want her to stay and not cross my line. We both have same temperament and that made it worse.
By God’s mercy I am wiser now, see things differently and wish I was this wise when I first got married. My mum in-law is the best in the world. Pride and foolishness was what made me blind to her flaws initially.
May God prolong the life for me. She shall eat the fruit of her labour in abundance in Jesus’ name!
Ladies, don’t get married and start fighting unnecessary battles. You must deal with this satanic mentality that all mothers in-law are wicked or are witches. How come her son is not the wizard you fell in love with?
No one is perfect, neither you, nor your mum nor your siblings! Make allowance for other people’s weaknesses and you will be able to love them from the bottom of your heart.
My siblings love me to the teeth. They don’t want a fly to touch me but they are not perfect. I deliberately chose to see the strengths and either ignore the weaknesses or help them overcome it.
Don’t ignore your own family’s weaknesses and concentrate on your in-laws own. Treat everyone equally. Treat your brother and sisters in law same way you will treat your brother’s and sisters.
Be humble. Be merciful. Be full of compassion.
Be meek. Be flexible. Be adaptable.
Understand your husband’s culture and adapt to it unless they ask you to do something sinful or idolatory and if they do, ask God for wisdom on how to handle it. Approach your husband in all respect and honour and appeal to him to help you address the issues with your in-laws. Don’t argue with your in-laws. Don’t speak for yourself. Let your husband speak for you. That is why you must be very close to your husband, love him, honour him and respect him so he can speak for you when the time comes.
As common to all human relationships, offences will come, confrontation may come, disrespect may come, misunderstanding, misrepresentation, gossiping or backbiting may happen. Be mature. Don’t be quick to speak. Don’t be quick to respond to hurting words. Let God fight for you. Protect your name, keep your character. Be slow to speak, slow to anger, slow to wrath ( Read James 3).
Same rule applies to men. Love your wife’s family. Celebrate them. Honour them. Respect them and create boundaries where necessary.
Every relationship need boundaries for sanity and longevity sake. Don’t over step their boundaries either.