Do you know that it is one thing to be married, and it’s another thing to stay married? And of all marriages you see or know, the percentage of those who endure their marriage is higher than those who enjoy theirs. Why is this so?
It leaves one to wonder.
Marriage can be sweet, I mean, sweet as honey; and it can be as bitter as bile. Forget the wedding paparazzi you see which many esteem, the reality of the married life starts from the first hour you spend alone as husband and wife.
If you think sex is all that makes a marriage sweet, you’d be shocked to know that it has nothing to do with that when there’s a lack of understanding between a man and his wife regarding it. Marital sex is essential, but what truly enhances intimacy and bliss in marriage has a lot to do with the kind of person you’re married (or getting married) to.
Beyond money, beauty, appearance, status, worth, giftedness, eloquence, or talent; the kind of person you marry would determine if you’d enjoy or endure it, or whether it would be a sweet or bitter experience.
Marry a wicked man, and he would be mean to you; marry a selfish and stubborn wife, she would frustrate the hell out of you in marriage. All these “I love you to the moon,” “You’re the woman of my dream, and all that doesn’t last in marriage when the reality of the married life settles on the kind of person you marry.
In marriage, you’re married to the content of your spouse, I mean their mindset, character, values, ideology, past, habit, and lifestyle. Some of these things might not be fully displayed while you’re courting because everyone usually puts up their best self before their real self manifest.
Most courtships are usually rosy and romantic because the real nature of the person you’re getting married to has not been revealed. But in marriage, after you’ve “see finish,” (familiarity), then realities would begin to unfold.
I do not intend to scare you with this but ensure you vet and examine your choice of a partner if you’re not married. Yorubas would say that marriage is a black market, and that’s not far from the truth. It is until you get home (marriage) and you unwrap your gift (partner) that you’d truly know the kind of person you’ve married.
There is no perfect spouse, truth be told, but you should know the kind of imperfection you want to live with for the rest of your life. Some imperfections would cause you secret and silent tears, some you’d lament, and some you’d heave a sigh of joy and gratitude.
However, there are three major things you need to get the right spouse.
- God
- Patience
- Mercy
You saw that I did not mention all those mundane things you would see online telling you what you need to marry the right partner.
Why do I need God?
First, the heart is deceitful (of a man and woman) above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it? You can’t always follow your heart to lead you to the right person if God’s not involved. More so, you can’t know the heart of the person you want to marry even if you study cardiology and psychology.
Second, trust in the Lord, not your understanding (education, experience), or a man of God if you want to make your choice of a life partner. Let Him lead you, not what you see, or how you feel about them; feeling is fleeting and feeble.
On patience, don’t rush to marry him even if you have a green light from God. Know each other’s level of understanding, belief system, pursuit, likes and dislikes, focus, and knowledge of marriage and how to treat the opposite sex.
It takes patience to marry right, and it is one of the things you need to stay married. Even if you’re thirty-something, don’t rush or be desperate to get married. Nothing good stems out of impatience. Remember, slow and steady wins the race – you’re not competing with anyone to be married.
That said, the most important thing you need after God and patience is God’s mercy. It is that spiritual force that prevents a person from making an irredeemable and regrettable mistake in life and marriage. It leads you to the right person and keeps you from the wrong person when everyone nominates them as the right person for you.
Mercy prevails over judgment – even if you’ve made a mistake and you’re undeserving of justice; it speaks. Bank on His mercy; invoke it the most as you pray to God for a good spouse.
The difference between those who enjoy and regret their marriage can be attributed to a token of His mercy. Following the right principles and becoming the right person is good in marriage, but if you do not obtain His mercy to marry the right spouse, all that you know and have become is but a waste.
