There have been lots of definitions that the world has given to Courtship through print media, television, movies and social media. Literally, it has been defined as a romantic
relationship before marriage.
You will then know the reason secular home video makers would portray in their films those who are yet to be married as if they are married. You will see them in all the acts of married people, until when you will later know in the course
of the film that they are yet to be married. Instead of addressing the person they are engaged with as ‘my fiance/fiancee’, they
will say ‘my husband or my wife’. That is an error. Meanwhile, husbands and wives are words exclusively used in marriage. Please, take note of this.
We have a good example that we can relate with as God’s children in the Bible, in the life of Joseph and Mary who later became the foster father of Jesus Christ and Mary His mother.
The Bible recorded that they were both engaged (in courtship) to be married before the divine interruption.
“In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to the Galilean village of Nazareth to a virgin engaged to be married to a man descended from David. His name was Joseph, and the virgin’s name, Mary. Upon entering, Gabriel greeted her: Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty, Beautiful inside and out! God be with you.”
Luke 1:26-28 (MSG)
So, courtship is not an alien issue to us. However, it has to be in line with the Word of God. It has to be pure. Courtship is
not a time for frivolities, but serious preparation toward a glorious future. Joseph and Mary were divinely favoured to parent Jesus, because of their life of chastity. They both preserved their bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto the Lord(Romans 12:1). And God in turn makes their
lives and union an instrument of praise to Himself. This is what God intends to do with every life willing to have a pure courtship. I think this should be your desire.
I want you to see the word COURTSHIP from this perspective to bring the meaning closer.
COURT + SHIP
Let’s try to know what ‘Court’ in it simply mean.
As a place to play: (a courtyard) A court is seen as a place.
In the legal term: A court is a legal place. It is a place where law and order are maintained. A court is a place where crimes are judged.
Now, let’s talk about ‘ship’ in it and what it stands for.
A ship is a means of transportation through the water. And come to talk about ‘water’ in the Bible, it symbolises certain
things:
Water as the Word of God: A means of cleansing or purifying.
“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols.”
Ezekiel 36:25 (NLT)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,”
Ephesians 5:25-26
Water as a symbol of Eternal Life:
This is God Himself. See what Jesus told the Samaritan woman in John 4: 10
“Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”
Water as a symbol of Holy Spirit:
“On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out
of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” But this He spoke concerning the Spirit, whom those believing in Him would receive; for the Holy Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.”
John 7:37-39
I need you now to pay attention to the relevance of our analysis on what COURT, SHIP and the three personalities that water stands for while I take you through what Courtship
is.
Here is the understanding of what the makeup of COURTSHIP is, that is, COURT+SHIP, what ‘Court’ is and what ‘Ship’ is,
Court as a place to play, a place of law and
order, a place to judge crimes (not a place to tolerate bad character ), and its means of transportation is Ship, and Ship travels by Water, And Water is a symbol of God, His Word, that is Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit. These three personalities (Trinity), as represented by water are needed in the journey of marriage right from its starting point (courtship)through the journey of marriage, if it will be Godly and beautiful.
Therefore, Christian Courtship is a time to play, explore life but in the consciousness, that bad character must be judged, understand each other, your weakness, strength, help each
other to grow in all areas of life, understand why God is bringing you together in marriage(what your marriage is meant
to do for His Kingdom), know each other’s family. And you must be careful of what you do as children of God. You must never engage in anything that will not glorify God.
What Is Courtship?
Courtship is the means of transportation (ship) by which a matured man and lady, who had been convinced by God, that they are suitable for each other in marriage, gotten approval from their parents (Biological, Foster and Spiritual), and had made their intention of becoming one in marriage known to each other.
What is Christian Courtship?
Christian Courtship is the period between when a matured man proposes his intention of getting married to a matured lady, who he had gotten conviction of from God and the
matured lady had also accepted the proposal after she too had received a conviction of the man from God, which they must have made known to their parents (Biological, Foster and
Spiritual). And had gotten approval from them, to the time they are joined together in marriage.
There are keywords you must take cognizance of in the above definition of Christian Courtship. And they are :
Period: Courtship is for a reasonable period of time, which by reason of wisdom must not be more than four years and less than six months in order to have adequate knowledge of each other and to know what marriage is and prepare for it. Do not waste time in it.
And do not rush into it.
Matured: Courtship is between a matured man and a lady. Not babies.
Conviction: This is very key. Until there is a conviction, there must not be a proposal or acceptance. No trial by error. There must not be any iota of doubt by either of them or both of them before courtship will start.
Approval: Approval from both parents, Pastor and their Marriage Counsellor before courtship can start.
There shouldn’t be courtship at all if God has not spoken.
When marriage was to be instituted by God at the beginning in Genesis 2 verse 18, God spoke…It is not good for a man to
be alone…Eve was brought to Adam in verse 22 as a response to the Word God spoke. If you are in a relationship and God didn’t speak before you start, you are touring the path God
didn’t send you. The implication of such is that you are on your own. Such a path always lead to pain and regret.
What gives birth to courtship is a conviction by the Word of
God. His Word is what you will hold onto through the good and especially the challenging time on the Journey. And the conviction must not be by one person, but the two people involved in the relationship. No room for doubt. A relationship of no conviction is a relationship of trial by error. It doesn’t work. It’s a journey of struggle.
WHAT PURPOSE DOES COURTSHIP
SERVE ?
When people do not have a better understanding of a thing, it will be abused. Just like one of the popular sayings of the late
sage, Myles Munroe. “When the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.” So it is important the purpose of which courtship serves must be well understood.
The Purpose of Courtship
1) To know each other better.
The period of courtship avails you the opportunity to know who you are spending the rest of your life with. Courtship time will help you to know the strength and weakness of each other, your temperaments and how to manage them under the supervision of the Holy Spirit. It will be so disastrous to wake up in marriage and see a total stranger in actions and manners to live with all the days of your life.
2) To be completely open to each other without deceit.
Courtship is the time to make the real you known to each other without any iota of deceit. It allows you to observe each other critically and ask questions on anything when such is
needed. Those who package errors in courtship live to bite their fingers in marriage.
3) To develop your relationship with God
The time of courtship helps to grow your relationship with God. Those who are wise use the period of courtship to study God’s Word together and pray together.
4) To serve God together
At the time of courtship, you should have discovered what God want you to do to expand His Kingdom on earth (your purpose),. and begin to do it together. Reach out to the lost
souls together, visit the orphanage homes, less privileged, old people’s homes together, and in many more places, God will prepare you to serve Him together. Note that when everyone
and everything around you will tend to pull you away from each other, it is your purpose on earth – what you are doing for God, that will keep pulling you closer to each other and to
the presence of God.
5) To develop yourselves together
Courtship time helps you to develop each other to become better in all areas of life than when you met each other. It gives you the opportunity to develop the right attitude, read good books together, and attend seminars and conferences together.
6) To develop your love for each other.
The courtship period helps your affection toward each other. You will learn to care for each other, cherish, protect, honour and forgive each other when there is conflict.
7) To develop your relationship with families and friends.
It is wisdom for you to start developing a good relationship with the new family you are joining soon in marriage. Understand their family values, cultures and traditions, and
prepare to become part of the new family. Visit them when there is a family function. Visit them when it is needed in the company of your partner. You are meant to protect each other
because you know your individual family better. Ask questions from your partner about his or her family. Know some things about the parents and siblings. This will guide your
relationship with them. Get close to them, but do not be too forward. Act with wisdom as a person well trained from home.
Diligently observe their peculiarities. It was at my first visit to the family of my husband to be then (now my one and only husband). When we were done with cooking which involved
everyone available at that moment (male inclusive), everyone was in the kitchen to serve themselves. I was so shocked that day. I felt so reluctant. My stepmother-in-love discovered I
was reluctant to serve myself, and she told me, “This is how we do it here, feel free my child.” Eh!
What I saw was the opposite of what we do in my own family. No one dares serve food from my mother’s pot, irrespective of your age. My mother will not leave the kitchen for you to
prepare the meal my father will eat. Let alone serving it. If she is not around, she will give her stern warning of how it must be prepared. Till today, because my biological mother is still
alive, no one dishes out food from her pot. If we visit her, she is still serving us.
Now, I don’t need anyone to tell me that the family I will be joining in marriage is totally different from mine. Their style of handling kitchen affairs is different from what I am used to. Immediately, my orientation of kitchen affairs when I will get married changed and I prepared my mind to accommodate everyone in my kitchen. Right in my mind, I do not need
anyone to tell me that when my new family come around, they can be so free with me and enter the kitchen at will, to do whatever they like there. And from the very first week of my
marriage, I have been enjoying it, because one of my brothers-in-love needed to join us for his Internship Training. Till today, we are still enjoying our free and open kitchen affairs
in my home.
However, I have a principle I did not throw away from what I saw my mother doing and I cherish it so much. As one of the ways of honouring my darling husband, I ensure his food
is served first by me before anyone does theirs. No one serves my husband’s meal. I do that myself till today and till Christ will come. Even when I am not at home, they will call him to
serve himself.
It is important you have an open arm and heart to accommodate all. Understand the uniqueness of your new family coming from afar, (in-laws) and integrate yours uniquely into it, in such a way that peace will reign in your
home. Also know that every family is unique. This is what many people do not take cognisance of before embarking on
the journey of marriage. Do everything in love as a man and woman to honour your new family (in-laws).
8) To set needed boundaries.
I have told you earlier that courtship is a legal place. It is not a testing ground on any part of your body. Be disciplined. Yes, you are at liberty to move around, but as God’s children, your
liberty must never be used to indulge the flesh.
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another
humbly in love.”Galatians 5:13 NIV
I know you will have emotional feelings for each other. It is good to have it as lovers, but you must never allow the devil
to take advantage of you. Set boundaries, because courtship is not the time for necking, pecking, kissing and all forms of exploration of your bodies to arouse sexual feelings that you
would not be able to handle. Self-control is very key here to achieve a pure courtship. Let God be glorified both at courtship time and in your marriage.
