There are so many people with successful careers but failed marriages. They invested so much in preparation for a successful career but very little or nothing in preparation for successful marriage. Marriage is an investment, and success is directly proportional to the amount of knowledge and time invested into it.
“Where you invest is where you harvest”.
“Knowledge in one area is not knowledge in all areas”.
There are costly mistakes that must be avoided in courtship and marriage if you passionately desire a good marriage.
There are three factors in marriage equation and these are: The God-factor, the man-factor and the woman-factor. It is a very dangerous thing to omit the God-factor in your courtship or marriage. Every marriage process must begin with God and continue with God. The guarantee of you having a good marriage is not in the brother or sister loving you but it is in him or her loving God and being prayerful. Allow God to be fully involved in your relationship and marriage. NEVER OMIT THE GOD-FACTOR in your relationship if you want a good and successful marriage.
Some people get married for the wrong reasons. Most marital problems are foundational problems. If you marry for the wrong reasons, it’s most likely that you are marrying the wrong person. It is a costly mistake to decide to marry someone because of car,career, cash, countenance, complexion, certificate, connection, etc. Don’t make your marital decision based on these seven Cs. It is a big error! The most important C stands for CHARACTER.
Knowledge is the key to success in every endeavor, including marriage. Not investing to learn about relationship and marriage is a costly mistake. School does not prepare anyone for a good marriage but for a good job. That is why most successful professionals are facing terrible marital crisis and frustrations. Remember, where you invest is where you harvest. If you really want to succeed in marriage, you have to learn about relationship and marriage.
Being able to manage your sexuality will go a long way to help you have a successful marriage but the reverse will lead to destruction. Until you are able to manage your sexuality as a single or married person, your life is in danger and your destiny is not secured. Sexuality management is a non-negotiable requirement for success in relationship and marriage.
Adjustment is a continual practice among successful couples. Refusing to make adjustments is one of the greatest undoing of many relationships and marriages. Some people say, “I just want to be myself”, “That is how I am”, etc. From the day you get married, there is nothing like “I want to be myself”. Without adjustment, there will be tension and friction.
These costly mistakes are not to be treated lightly. They can inflict you with terrible pains throughout your lifetime. These mistakes create evil patterns that put others in bondage and captivity. Remember, though your actions are personal but they don’t have private consequences. A lot of marital frustrations and breakups are traceable to these costly mistakes.
=> Intimacy is the strongest force that holds marriage together. True intimacy is the foundation stone for building a good and strong marriage. Not building intimacy with the person you are in a relationship with or the person you are married to is a very big mistake. Most marital problems are intimacy problem. If intimacy is strong, marriage can survive any challenge. Intimacy is not an act, it is a state of existence in which both partners in marriage trust the other more and more even with their innermost thoughts. Intimacy is the key to successful marriage. Relationship does not guarantee fellowship. Living together does not guarantee togetherness. You have to build intimacy consciously and intentionally.
=> Commitment is a critical non-negotiable requirement for building a great marriage. This is because commitment is the backbone of any great relationship, marriage and family inclusive. The Oxford dictionary defines commitment as, “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.” In other words, there is some things you cannot do by virtue of your commitment. There is a huge difference between being interested and being committed. The former depends on favourable conditions while the latter does not depend on any condition. Entering marriage with plan B is a costly mistake that should be avoided.
=> There is a due process to follow in relationship and marriage. Process simply means the step by step actions to take in order to achieve a particular goal. Emotion can deceive you but it’s not possible for process to deceive you. Subject your relationship and marriage to pre-marital and post-marital counselling. Counseling brings clarity. When it is not cleared and you are not very sure, slow down the process. Don’t be in a hurry, so that you don’t end in sorry. In marriage, patience is a very important virtue. You wait before and after marriage. It becomes a costly mistake when you decide to jump due process.
=> Marriage is a game of wisdom. It takes a lot of wisdom to succeed in it. Not being able to manage in-law interference has destroyed many marriages. It is often said that once you get married, you are marrying your partner’s family. It is advisable to create certain boundaries if you want to maintain your independence as a couple. Learn to address your marital issues with your partner without involving your parents and family members.
=> Over familiarity is a costly mistake that destroy relationship and marriage. It is a terrible relationship killer. Unhealthy familiarity is a cancer that eventually sucks life out of an otherwise healthy relationship. Overfamiliarity is the undetected silent marriage killer. It is often said that familiarity breeds contempt. That means overfamiliarity breeds “over contempt.” No marriage can survive it. Overfamiliarity makes couple begin to abuse one another. It makes one take his or her spouse for granted. At this point, respect is gone, love is either cold or dead. It is a terrible state. Do everything to fight against overfamiliarity in your relationship and marriage!
Wisdom is not in accumulation of knowledge, but in its application. The final test of every learning is application. Until your revelation graduates into application, manifestation is not in view.