Choosing a right life partner is a high stake decision and it starts with understanding what to look for in a life partner. Finding the right partner is essential for a happy and healthy marriage. So it is very crucial to choose wisely and prayerfully. In choosing a life partner, you must make up your mind to do the will of God.
Below are scriptural recommendations to consider before choosing a life partner. From my research, observation and experience, these are the basic principles a person could follow before choosing a life partner.
1. CHOOSE AN INDIVIDUAL WHO IS IN CHRIST:
The will of God in marriage is that you marry a believer, someone who is genuinely born-again. Someone who is genuinely converted and posses the fruit of the Spirit. Beloved, if you are a real child of God who understands the principles of the kingdom, you can’t think of marrying an unbeliever. Don’t say, I will marry so as to change him or her. It is better an unbeliever marries an unbeliever because they can walk together, they have the same mindset. Read
2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
2. CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO YOU ARE COMPATIBLE WITH:
Before you choose whom to marry, both of you must be compatible in purpose, vision, values, doctrines and if possible in education. When I mean compatible, I mean both of you share similar values and purpose for life. Please, before you choose your life partner, discover your purpose for existence; it is very easy to know the will of God, if you know where you are heading to.
If you are a visionary man or woman, please don’t marry anyone who has no vision or who is not compatible with you in purpose. If you want to be a minister, is good to marry someone who will support your ministry. One major reason for divorce today is as a result of division. Your marriage can be ruined if you marry someone you are not compatible with. There will be commotion, rancor, separation and eventually divorce. Read Amos 3:3.
3. CHOOSE AN INDIVIDUAL WHO HAS GOOD CHARACTER:
Character is not negotiable; do not joke with this principle, if you don’t want to suffer in your marriage, please watch out for good character before you say I do. “Attitude is everything”. When you talk about character; it is who you are, it’s the way you think, it is your behavior etc. An individual who have bad character is dangerous to be married to. An individual who gets angry at the slightest provocation could be a time bomb waiting to explode. Nagging, stinginess, quarellsomeness, unforgiving spirit among others are bad characters. Understand that no one is perfect but please there are warning signs you must not joke with. Love with your heart and brain.
4. CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO HAS CAPACITY:
Before you choose your life partner, it is very important to check out if the individual has the capacity to add value to your life in every ramification. The individual should be productive and not a liability. Before you choose your life partner, make sure that individual is someone who is doing something worthwhile (no matter how small) there must be a sense of responsibility.
The person may not have a job at the moment, or may not have a car or a house now, but does the individual have the capacity to have that tomorrow? Don’t marry a lazy man or woman, marry a right thinking individual. Don’t marry someone who claims to have a vision yet walking aimlessly. Marry a hardworking, focused and goal oriented individual. Read Proverbs 31:1-33.
5. CHOOSE SOMEONE YOU HAVE UNQUENCHABLE LOVE FOR:
Love is the will of God. Love is one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. When Rebecca was asked if she will follow Abraham’s servant back as wife to Isaac, she said yes even though she hasn’t seen Isaac. She loved him after hearing so much about him. The Bible said Boaz loved Ruth and Joseph loved Mary.
Love cannot be quenched no matter the ocean of waters. Love must be a driving force in knowing the will of God for you. You must have an unquenchable, unconquerable, and unconditional love for the individual.
This kind of Love is divinely imparted. You can’t even explain even understand it yourself. It is neither because of the physical, material or financial capacity of the individual but a passionate and never dying Love.
I experienced this kind of Love for my wife before we got married. No matter how I tried to wave it, I could not. It was so strong like a rock that can never be moved. This kind of Love is not mere chemistry, emotion, feelings, infatuation and lust. True love never fades no matter the circumstances.
6. CHOOSE SOMEONE YOU HAVE PEACE OF MIND AND ASSURANCE IN YOUR HEART FOR:
The will of God is that before you marry anyone, there must be the peace of Christ that passes all understanding in your heart. Don’t ever propose or accept any proposal of marriage to anyone you don’t have peace of mind for. Even after you have proposed or accepted a proposal and you lose your peace, it may be a warning sign that it is not the will of God for you.
When Isaac saw Rebecca, he forgot all his sorrows and the mourning of his mother’s death. When Ruth and Boaz met there was peace in their minds before they married.
Don’t jump into any marriage relationship even when the person is born-again, loving, caring among others and you don’t have peace of Mind. Though sometimes, you may not have peace initially but after sometime it may eventually be there. If it doesn’t come after a long time, please don’t go ahead with the relationship.
7. CARRY YOUR SPIRITUAL LEADER ALONG IN YOUR DECISION:
In the multitude of counsel there is safety. The Pastor or Priest is your spiritual leader. It is the will of God that Spiritual leaders guide you on your journey to Marriage. Sometimes, God can use your spiritual leader to guide you on the right path to a successful marriage. What they see and know you may never see.
Your Pastor may be aware that a Brother is impotent or a sister is HIV positive and by consulting your Pastor before making any move, he will guide you better. Don’t neglect your spiritual leaders on your choice for a life partner.
NOTE: It not your Spiritual leaders that will make the final choice for you; they are only there to guide you. Nobody should prophesy lies to you that you should marry someone or not, that is why you need to learn to hear from God personally. God can use your leader to speak to you but you must confirm it with the word of God. Have your own personal conviction.
If your pastor said don’t marry an unbeliever, he is very right. But when he says the opposite, kindly reject it. What I am saying is that there are false Prophets everywhere; is not everybody you call your Spiritual leader, they must be Pastors and Priest indeed. If you have a committee that organizes marriage in your church, carry them along.
8. MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMPATIBLE MEDICALLY WITH THE INDIVIDUAL BEFORE YOU START ANY MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP:
This is one area most people ignore before marriage. It has cost pains for lots of marriages all over the world. To test and confirm the will of God in marriage, you have to carry out some very important medical test such as Genotype, Blood group, HIV, STD among others, in other to ascertain if you are compatible health wise. Don’t rush to propose or accept any marriage proposal when you have not done this medical test.
Even if you have proposed or accepted a proposal, you must do it to know if both of you can marry or not. If you discover both of you are not compatible, pease my counsel is don’t go ahead with the marriage except you have prayed and you are very sure God said you should go ahead. Faith is good but wisdom is profitable to direct. This is one way to confirm God’s will. Many are suffering today with children who are carriers of sickle cell anemia and other defects because they never listened to this counsel.
9. CARRY YOUR PARENTS ALONG BEFORE YOU SAY I DO:
Your parents are major stakeholders in your choice of a life partner. They have a say in who you marry or not. If they are godly parents, they will not want you to marry an unbeliever, and they may be very careful in accepting who you say you want to marry because they don’t want you to make mistake. So choose wisely, prayerfully and graciously before approaching them.
Your parents could also help you to confirm the will of God. Sometimes you may not see beyond your nose, but God can use your parents to correct you when you are taking the wrong decision. If you are sure you made the right decision and your parents are against it, be patient and pray more, by the grace of God they will eventually key into it. Don’t abandon your parents and elope with a man that has not paid your bride price and don’t elope with someone’s daughter without performing the necessary marital rights.
Note: You must back up your desires and choice of a life partner with earnest prayers and possibly fasting. Make Jesus the foundation of your marital journey. Don’t neglect the place of the Spirit leading. Make sure you are fully persuaded about the person you are led to before you say I do. Be patient, don’t rush into marriage without series of confirmation from God about the person. God can use different ways to confirm to you. Just be sensitive. Avoid idols in your heart while making your choice. Have faith in God.
Trust in the Lord and lean not on your understanding.
You will not make marital error in JESUS NAME
