Here are a few ways cultivate sexual compatibility in marriage if you have the above concern.
1) Don’t have an exit plan. Stop wondering if there is better sex out there as this will sow seeds of infidelity
2) Know that even though sex is a key component of marriage, there is more to marriage than sex. Look at your spouse holistically, what are you grateful for?
3) Know that each marriage has its own journey and seasons. For some, this includes a season when sex becomes scarce or boring
4) Look back and see if you two have been having difficulty connecting sexually from the very beginning. Most likely you two started off with a spark then the fire died down. What sequence of events led to the dip?
5) Beyond the sex, are there underlying issues in your marriage that are not being addressed?
Issues such as communication, respect, finances, phone use, in-laws, and insecurities?
Underlying issues going ignored will lead to you two having negative perceptions of each other.
NOTE: Sex starts in the mind. Once you have a negative opinion of your spouse, your sexual satisfaction will suffer.
6) Know that there are libido killers in men and women. Men’s enthusiasm for sex can be work stress, financial constraints, self-consciousness about the size of the penis, and disrespect from the wife. For women, financial constraints, exhaustion, low self-esteem, self-consciousness about their body, and insensitivity from the husband. Address these by making your spouse feel understood. Cultivate emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy will follow.
7) Know that sometimes libido is inhibited due to hormonal changes as a result of family planning. If this is an issue, consider as a couple to change the family planning methods.
8) Don’t flirt with other people on social media, on the phone or face to face. This will distract you and complicate the issue
9) Do not do things that make your spouse suspect your cheating. Entertaining other people in your marriage will make your spouse repel you
10) If you have cheated in the past, demonstrate that you have changed by being appreciative, honest, transparent, accountable and consistent
15) Praise your spouse’s body and skill. This will make him feel good and want to please you more. Ego is crucial in lovemaking for both man and woman
16) Don’t get carried away by the sex stories your friends give you. Sometimes they exaggerate because most people having sex want to brag they are having the best. Listening to this banter a lot will make you think you are missing out and put pressure on your marriage.
17) Remember that love is the greatest aphrodisiac. Focus on making love to each other in a way that both of you feel loved. This will lead to a physical connection that will drive your body crazy.
18) Change sex positions. Change settings, makeover your bedroom, or occasionally book a hotel room away from the kids and go make love there
19) We all have our sexual fantasies, make your spouse’s fantasies come true as long as it is just between you two. No threesomes or orgies. Do what enhances faithfulness with the fear of God.
20) Invest in good lingerie or underwear, or if you are kinky, even buy edible underwear. Look visually appealing and have memorable fun.