“Don’t talk about her broken sides”. What hurts always hurt. Most times in our relationships, the place we tend to pay attention to is that place that our partner hates to revisit.
Sometime ago, a young man called and said that he just discovered that his fiancee was into prostitution back in Lagos before she quit and relocated. He was angry and told me that he was going to confront her for hiding that part of her life. I saw right at that moment he was also determined to end the relationship.
I asked the young man, ‘do you want to know the truth?”. He said, ‘Yes’. I then said to him, ‘Don’t go back to where she has succeeded to come out from. You don’t know how much fight she put up to get to where she is today. She is not looking for a man that will make her feel that her past is not yet over. If you have anything to tell her, just tell her that you are in love with her past, today and future. She will understand you…”. He listened to me.
Let bring it down to us with this illustration….
Boaz was the richest man at the time battered Naomi and Ruth came back from the place that took everything they leaned on. Both their husbands were lost to them. Boaz knew all these. He gathered his kinsmen and talked about having Ruth as his wife. He was never going to discuss of things that befell them in their past. He presented to the kinsmen the beauty and virtue he saw in her.
Ruth had something to be accused of but that wasn’t the gap Boaz wanted to fill. At least, she had explanation to give about her husband. Most men would have cared to ask before asking the kinsmen of her about her hand in marriage. The painful and most suspicious side of it was that, she came back barren. How could a young beautiful woman got married and never had a child until her husband died?. Almost all men would cared to ask but Boaz was a great visionary. He saw what no one else was able to see.
Everyone may have bad opinion of a woman and yet, there is nothing true about their opinion. No one else had wanted to marry Ruth for the fact that they cared so much about her past and they missed the blessing. She became the grand mother of the great king, David whose lineage, Jesus was born.
Everyone has what he or she doesn’t want to go back to. Trying to remind someone of his or her failure does not justify your intention.
A woman wants a man that picks her up and look up. A broken woman needs healing and not judgment.
Most men love to ask a woman, ‘Who disflowered you, where did it happen, which year?”. The fact that you are not getting married to a virgin is enough for you to start with her where you met her. Leave that part that never involved you aside.
If a prostitute is deciding to leave the brothel and follow you, take her as you would take the woman you never met at a brothel. Sometimes, those we think are Angels have more dark sides.
Most girls who don’t live in the brothel have casual sex much more than those in the brothels who try so much to have protected sex.
Three days after Peter denied Jesus, He never went back to him and asked of what happened. He discussed of purpose with him.
Talk about what you want you and your woman to become. Talk about today. Talk about the future. Talk about the value of the woman.
Aristotle said, ”Even God cannot change your past”. The past should never be the journey.
If you focus too much on a woman’s past, she won’t love to stay in your future.