When you wrong someone, especially those you are in a close relationship with, your actions result in or causes distance or a gap between the two of you. A classic example is cheating on your partner, an action or behaviour which can hurt them to the core. Do you say sorry because you miss the benefits you used to get or because you are sorry for your actions and regret what you did?
Many at times, people who hurt their partners or cheat on them say sorry because they want the relationship back and not because they regret their actions or realize the damage their action has caused. I say so because as soon as they ask for forgiveness, the next thing they want is for the relationship to get back to the way it used to be.
If after asking for forgiveness the relationship doesn’t get back as they want, they regret asking for forgiveness. Some go ahead to express their sentiments by saying “if I knew you won’t accept me back, I wouldn’t have apologized”.
Asking for forgiveness or saying sorry means you have analyzed your actions and realize you were wrong; you regret it so you take steps to apologize for your actions. It also means you want to take the needed steps to work on yourself so you won’t repeat that if you have the opportunity to be together again.
And when you ask for forgiveness, it’s not in your place to determine if you should be forgiven or not, or when. You are only telling the one you hurt that you have realized you were wrong. It’s up to them to forgive you and trust you again, don’t force them to do that. Stop using people of high influence to force your partner or the one you hurt to get back into a relationship with you, all in the name of asking for forgiveness.
If you can’t work on yourself to be sure you won’t repeat what you did, don’t ask for a second chance. Just ask for forgiveness. Understand that the gap your action caused needs to be bridged or closed up, and it needs time, work and commitment. Asking the one you hurt or your partner to pretend there is no gap because you apologized only sets them up for hurt in the near future.
If indeed you have stopped seeing your cheating partner, give your partner time to realize you have stopped also changed instead of forcing them to accept that because you say so. Asking for forgiveness is important but what is the essence of it if you are going to repeat the same thing over and over again?
Understand that when trust is broken, it takes more time and effort to rebuild. Understand that when you wound someone, saying sorry doesn’t heal the wound instantly, your aftermath action will help to make it better or worse.
If you believe what you did was a mistake, you need time to work on yourself. Make up for your mistake instead of forcing your partner to get back with you. The fact that your partner doesn’t want to give you a second chance does not mean they don’t love you. Sometimes they do that because they are afraid of getting hurt by you, so instead of getting back into a relationship with you, they say no just to protect themselves.
If you can work on yourself, it’s easy for your partner to give you a second chance, then you will be able to restore the trust. You will be able to love them better. Your presence won’t remind them of the past.
In conclusion, “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, And it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment]” – Proverbs 19:11 (AMP).
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