Someone asked me yesterday if marriages are hard to keep? I replied NO. And she was surprised. Marriages are not hard to keep or maintain as people think. We just don’t know how to keep marriages and not because it is hard to do so. We don’t have the right knowledge in doing that. We have the right knowledge for difficult tasks, work, assignments, etc but we don’t have the right knowledge on marriage.
We are able to maintain or keep our relationship with the same sex as friends for years or a lifetime more than we are able to do for marriage. We believe it takes only responsibility (Big Things) to keep marriages. So, once you have enough money, you can pay the bills, buy the cars, houses, leave enough money for the up keep of the home, we have a marriage.
Keeping a marriage goes beyond those things. It’s the little things that keep the marriage and because they are little, it requires consistency. Marriage is not only about having children, else people who are not married cannot get pregnant. Marriage is not about wearing rings, for rings are just symbols and not the relationship.
Marriage is between the husband and the wife. It’s the friendship between the husband and the wife. The things we do on a daily basis have the power to keep the friendship or destroy it. Many married couples were best of friends at the beginning of their marriage and wonder why they fell apart after few years of marriage.
Many married couples were best of friends when they had no child but as they started giving birth, they stopped giving attention to each other and only focused on their children. They later realized they no longer have a relationship apart from the children. As a matter of a fact, many marriages are only standing because of children and nothing more.
Many couples were best of friends when one partner had no job or was not busy or not rich. But once they had job, they shifted all their attention to their job, ignoring the friendship they share with their spouse. Many who became rich ignored their spouses and changed their friends. It’s not difficult to become a friend with your partner.
Friendship has no rules; the rich can be a friend with the poor, educated can be a friend with the uneducated, a child can be a friend with an adult. It’s surprising how we easily forgive our best friend, play with them, are loyal to them but find it hard to do that with our spouse. This is because many people are not best friends with their spouses.
Friendship is a million little things we do on a daily basis; being there for your friends, talking with, sharing our fears, happiness, sadness, anger, etc. We don’t lie to our best friends. The moment you start telling them lies or hiding things from them, they notice. Best friends don’t just know your behaviour or habit or character, but they do their best to live with you. They are loyal, they stand by you, defend you, believe in you when you have nothing or you don’t even believe in yourself, they encourage you and cheer you up.
A friendship-based relationship is even greater than a blood relation. This is one reason one will leave their blood-related relationship to be with you a friend, and put their spouse above their blood relationship. Friendship is what makes marriage and if you lose it in the marriage you have equally lost the marriage. It really hurts when your best friend ignores you, it hurts when you best friend refuses to talk to you or have anything to do with with you. It hurts when your best friends abuses you, more especially it’s hard to leave your best friend, someone you never want to give up on.
When a couple are friends, divorce is a very difficult option, more so when they are best of friends divorce is impossible. If you are married, take a look at your friendship, the better the friendship the better the marriage. If you are about to marry, and you cannot become best of friends, your marriage is a waste of time.
In conclusion “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother” – Proverbs 18:24 (NLT).
