Knowing the will of God is a serious issue in Christian marriage. Many Christians marry without knowing what the will of God is for their marriage. I have heard people say that as long as you do not marry an unbeliever you have fulfilled the will of God for your marriage. No wonder Christian divorce rate is soaring like those of the people of the world. This marriage advice is written to let you know the will of God in your marriage.
The Permissive Will of God. One of the plans of God for us is that we should not be lonely. He wants us to have a companion either as husband or as wife:
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18 KJV).
So what is the permissive will of God? God permit Christians to marry a fellow Christian but he does not permit us to marry an unbeliever. The scripture says,
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? ” (2Corinthians 6:14- 15 KJV)
A believer has been sanctified by the blood of Jesus and brought out of darkness; as a result he should not be bound in holy matrimony with darkness (bearing in mind that an unbeliever is still in darkness). Note that this does not mean that a Christian cannot have unbelievers as friends but when it comes to the issue of marriage, Christians are not permitted to marry an unbeliever (Deuteronomy 7:2-3). In Christianity marriage is a kind of covenant that can only be broken by death without committing adultery (Romans 7:3-4).
The scripture also explains to us that when couples are joined together in matrimony the two of them become one flesh (1Corinthians 6:16-18,). So, my message to Christian singles here is that they should never try to go out with an unbeliever let alone considering courtship. It is dangerous because you might fall in love and you won’t be able to get out of it.
Now that we know that God only permit Christians to marry Christians, how do you actually know that the brother or the sister you see in the church is actually a true believer (I mean a believer in truth and indeed)?
Take this bitter truth from me. It is not everybody that you see in the church that is a true believer. They may proclaim Christianity, sing in the choir, join the evangelism team, and even preach in the pulpit as a minister, but they may be far from God. As a matter of fact, many agent of the devil actually abounds in the church; they’ve proliferated the churches of God and are working evil.
They may be handsome brothers or beautiful sisters; you can’t know them with the colour of their skin.
Some marriage counsellors may give you loads of questions to ask a brother or sister and that if the questions are answered correctly, then the fellow is your wife or husband. Brethren, the children of this world (darkness) are wiser than the children of God (Luke 16:8).
Those in darkness can lie, pretend and humble themselves to get what they need from you. If you are deceived to marry a pretender your life may never be the same. So how do you know who is a true Christian? Or better still, how do you know the actual will of God?
The Perfect Will of God
We have said that marriage is a covenant; a covenant that can only be broken by death (1Corinthians 7:39). Though we don’t consult God on most of the things we do, I strongly believe that there is need to seek God’s guidance when it comes to the issue of marriage. The permissive will of God is that you marry a Christian if you can get it right, but the perfect (actual) will of God is that you marry a particular person that God chooses for you to marry.
The scripture says “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Proverbs 19:14). This scripture is very clear: It says “a prudent wife is from the Lord”. It is God that can give you that perfect wife / husband that you need. So you need to consult God and be open to his option.
I was in courtship for three years with a sister in our church. She was a believer, a good one and not an agent of darkness, yet she was not the will of God for me in marriage.
I never realised that she was not my wife until after three years. It was a painful experience when I got to know through prayer and revelation from the Holy Spirit. I don’t want any Christian brother or sister to have that kind of experience, please follow these simple instructions and the Lord will help you.
First, before you even think of searching, develop relationship with the Holy Spirit through praise, worship, prayer and bible study. If you are the type that cannot pray for 10 minutes, please learn to change.
Create space for quiet time to study the bible, give thank to Jesus for all he has done and sing praises to Him daily. When the Lord sees your commitment to praise and worship, He will begin to show you many unbelievable revelations (Psalm 16:11, 25:14).
Second, ask God to give you a wife/husband that will help you fulfil his plan for your life. Brethren let me tell you this; God’s plan for your life may be far greater than what you can imagine.
If you chose a wrong wife/husband you may not reach the height where God has destined for you.
After I broke up a courtship of three years with pains, I fasted and prayed for three days (without food or water). On the second day of my prayer, God showed me the person I married today as well as a few activities that will happens on the day of my marriage.
But foolish of me, after the fasting and prayer I threw away the revelation and I went into fruitless search because the person God showed to me was a casual friend who was far away in another country. But to GOD be the glory, today we are happily married.
Third, watch out for peace of mind in any relationship. If you have prayed and maybe or not God has shown you somebody to marry, please watch out for peace of mind.
If you are in courtship or relationship with anybody and you don’t have peace in your heart, be sure that relationship is not from God. If your heart is full of fear, run away from that relationship because fear is of the devil (1John 4:18).
Fourth, beware of cunning men. If you are in any relationship where the brother or the sister is only interested in knowing everything about you but hardly shares his own life with you, please beware. Or perhaps you have discovered that he or she lies, also beware. The devil is a liar and the father of it (John 8:44).
Finally, hold on to God. You might have been searching fruitlessly for that perfect partner (husband or wife) for so long, but I want you to know that you still need to hold on to God. Let Him have his way. The scripture says
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17)
A good wife (husband) is a gift from the Lord. So have faith and hold on to God in prayer because God himself is the source of his perfect will for you in marriage.
You can’t do it yourself because you don’t know the heart of men. The bible says “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9).
I don’t know what is in the heart of any man and I’m sure you don’t know it either. But the Spirit of God knows the heart of everybody. Be the friend of Holy Spirit first and let him assist you.