The great frustration witnessed today among married couples is due to the fact that so many people go into marriage with low preparation, high expectations and much assumption. There is an urgent need to educate people on how to make relationship and marriage work.
Hoping to have a good marriage will not give you the desired result in your marriage. Success in marriage is not a gift neither does it come by hoping, IT IS A CHOICE! It is on you to decide the kind of marriage you desire to have.
Marriage is like a building and every building has a foundation. The future of every building is determined by the foundation. No wise man commences building without taking time to lay a strong, solid foundation first, the cost not withstanding. King Cyrus gave a very instructive decree regarding the building of the house of God, “…let the foundation be strongly laid, the height thereof threescore cubits, and the breadth thereof threescore cubits.” (Ezra 6:3).
There are foundations that must be strongly laid to enjoy a stable, successful marriage. It is quite unfortunate that many people go into marriage without having any clue about foundations, which implies that they start building without laying the foundations.
“From the first day…began they to offer burnt offerings…But the foundation of the temple of the Lord was not yet laid.” (Ezra 3:6). This is exactly how many people begin their journeys into marriages. From the first month of the relationship, kissing, caressing, sleeping together, having sex etc have begun while the foundations of the marriage are yet to be laid. Friends, the time of relationship is not a time for sexual intercourse, it is a time for serious interaction.
Foundation is the beginning of a thing. How the relationship begins, the activities that make up its commencement is what constitute marital foundations. The followings are some foundational questions: How did you meet? Where did meet? What happened during your meetings? What were the activities of your relationship or marriage at the beginning?
The things you did or did not do at the beginning of your relationship or marriage forms the foundation of that relationship. The foundation can either be shallow or deep. Remember, it is the depth of the foundation that determines the height of the building. A wise builder builds the foundation in anticipation that if the devil should do his worst, my building (relationship) will still stand.
THE FOLLOWING ARE THE SEVEN MARITAL FOUNDATIONS THAT MUST BE IN PLACE TO GUARANTEE SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE:
1) THE FOUNDATION OF PURPOSE: According to Myles Munroe, “when the purpose of a thing thing is not know, abuse is inevitable.” “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother…” (Ephesians 5:31). There must be a cause that makes you to leave your father’s house to cleave to somebody. If there is no strong cause, there will be serious crisis. Marriage is about purpose before anything else.
2) THE FOUNDATION OF PURITY: Purity in relationship is not a suggestion; it is a requirement for a successful, happy marriage. INIQUITY IS THE DOORWAY TO CALAMITY. Marriage bed must not be defiled no matter the matter. Defilement will robe the marriage of honour.
3) THE FOUNDATION OF SPIRITUAL COVERING: Esau and Jacob were not fighting for property but for the blessing. The blessing declared by your spiritual parents over your relationship and marriage is very important. Do not operate a relationship or marriage that is not under any spiritual authority.
4) THE FOUNDATION OF LOVE: There are different kinds of love, one of them is AGAPE-this refers to the divine love, the love God has for His people as well as the love his people give back to him. It takes agape kind of love to have a meaningful, fulfilling, long term relationship. This kind of love is an unconventional commitment to seek, give, care and show anything in return.
5) THE FOUNDATION OF SPIRITUALITY: It is your relationship with God that will determine the stability of your relationship and marriage. If you do not have quality relationship with God, it will be difficult to maintain quality relationship with your spouse. Men who spend time with God in prayer and study of the words spend time with their wives. You can tell if a man is not spending time with God by the way he is spending time with his spouse. Personal time of fellowship with God is critical to the sustenance of your relationship and marriage.
6) THE FOUNDATION OF AGREEMENT: Honest adjustment is the cornerstone of agreement. Marriage thrives on agreement not argument. A healthy, strong marriage relationship is not a product of riches, but a product of agreement. There must agreement in certain areas of life, if that relationship must stand before the test of time.
7) THE FOUNDATION OF INDEPENDENCE: The tie between you and your parents have to be broken. Marriage is not for boys and girls who are still dependent on their parents for survival. Until there is a proper leaving, it will be difficult to have a proper cleaving. There is a thin line between parental involvement and parental interference (control). To leave implies that you must be able to disconnect from your parents financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. This is a sign of maturity. It means you are responsible.
After all said, it is your foundation that determines your future. Without strong, solid foundations, there is no future for any relationship. The Bible asks a very serious question; “if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3). The bitter truth is: the righteousness of the righteous cannot undo the damage of destroyed foundations.