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MARRIAGE AND DELAYED CHILDBIRTH

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This is a very sensitive topic and please pardon me if I touch your sensibilities (It’s not going to be intentional). For the sake of the teaching please allow me to say the truth no matter how hard it may seem.

Some days ago I came across a post where a couple from Ikeduru in Imo State had their first children (a set of twins) after 17 years of marriage. I celebrated with them but I was also quick to add something to my comments because the poster said that “the man endured his wife for those 17 years”. Today I would like to enlighten Africans on this.

Marriage was started by God, not by man, not by any country, not by any race, not by any traditions or culture. God is the One who established marriage. To help us enjoy it, He gave us His manual the Bible. Bless God for the powerful books written on marriage, for the great marriage counselors and coaches we have today, however, the Bible till tomorrow remains the final and highest authority on marriage.

When married, the two spouses enter into a lifetime marriage covenant. This marriage covenant can only be ended on account of death or infidelity (however, infidelity according to the Bible is not a strong argument to ending a marriage as spouses are expected to forgive themselves). See Matthew 19.

The Bible is clear on the primary reason why God instituted marriage: for companionship (friendship). That’s the primary reason and it should be never be defeated in any marriage (see Genesis 2:18). Children, as important as they are, are not the primary reason why God instituted marriage. So it’s very wrong to wanting to marry because of children first. Children are the additions in a marriage (see Genesis chapters 2, 3 and 4)

Although God expects fruitfulness in a marriage, however, sometimes some couples have a challenge in that regard. The Bible, science and reality on ground show that couples may experience a delay or may never have children for the following reasons:

  1. Hormonal imbalance:
  2. Ovarian cyst or complex ovarian cyst.
  3. Fibroids or multiple fibroids
  4. Blocked fallopian tubes
  5. Miscarriages or repeated miscarriages
  6. Perforated or completely damaged womb.
  7. Abortion or multiple abortions
  8. Sterility on the part of the woman
  9. Sterility on the part of the man
  10. Low sperm count on the part of the man
  11. Infection on the part of the man
  12. Evil covenants from either of the man or woman’s family regarding childbirth
  13. Spiritual attacks resulting from a lady who cursed the man for breaking her heart or from the family of the man because they don’t like his wife.
  14. Chronic or terminal illness (allowing that woman to have a child may lead to her death or better still make quicken her death

As you can see, a marriage can be challenged in the area of childbirth. Some couples may have to wait for some months, some may have to wait for many years, whereas some may never have children due to several complications.

However, should there be a challenge in the area of childbirth, no spouse should ever blame the other partner for it. Whether the challenge is with the husband or with the wife, it should be regarded as THEIR CHALLENGE. Any husband who mocks or blames his wife for the absence of children is ignorant, unexposed, insensitive and wicked. Marriage is for a lifetime, for better and for worse. Therefore, it’s anti-marriage for a husband to say he ENDURED his wife during their childbearing challenge. Rather he should say, “we waited on God” or “we waited for our first baby”. That sounds godly and civilised.

In Africa it’s always easy for men to quickly blame the women on childbirth delays and it’s unfair and not right. It’s no more news that many men are also the cause of childlessness in marriage. Many men have serious STDs, low sperm counts, erectile dysfunction and sterility. I know some men who kept blaming their wives over the childlessness in their marriages but later found out medically that they were the ones with the challenge, not their wives.

If challenged in the area of childbirth, the proper things to do are:

  1. Don’t suspect your spouse.
  2. Don’t blame your spouse
  3. Pray to God
  4. Seek medical attention
  5. Comply with the medical directives if given any.
  6. Don’t mount any pressure on your wife.
  7. Don’t allow your families to mount pressures on you.
  8. Be patient
  9. Be supportive of each other
  10. Encourage each other.

In cases of serious childbirth challenge:

Most times as Christians, going by the promises of God in the Bible regarding fruitfulness, we reject some medical verdicts. It’s okay to do so. However, we shouldn’t be selfish and foolish. Some women have lost their lives trying to get pregnant. If having done all you can do and it didn’t work or it’s putting the life of your wife in danger, please you may have to forget about having children biologically. You may do the following:

  1. Decide not to have children at all (it’s not a crime. Your wife shouldn’t die because you want children)
  2. Go for adoption (you both may agree to adopt children. Many couples have adopted children. It’s not a sin).

Please let me add this: on no account is divorce, remarriage or getting another woman pregnant because of children is encouraged. Delay in childbirth is a strong test of love in a marriage. Unfortunately, many Africans fail it woefully. My prayers go to couples still trusting God for children. May the good Lord remember you. However, should that not happen, please follow the advice in this post. Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking and sharing.

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