Barely two months after our wedding, mom came visiting and she asked to use the restroom. When she came out, she said, “Laide, this bathroom needs washing, I said yes mum, the person handling that will clean it, she asked who, I answered my husband”, she gave me this look i couldn’t explain, then she left.
Weekend came, hubby didn’t clean the bathroom, I did. Months rolled by, he didn’t go near it at all, I did again. I really didn’t make a fuss of the whole issue, but I held it in my mind.
December came at our review session, it was time to talk about us, how far the few months we’ve spent together had been and all, i was given the chance to talk first, i said, “husby you’re not nice, i knew how hardworking you were in your home before we got married, i knew how much work you did for your mum and sisters, now we’re married, you will just sit down and watch me do everything, it’s not fair”.
He allowed me to finish ranting and then he said, when your mum came, what did you tell her? I didn’t even remember quickly, then he gave me details of everything I said and how hurt he was. He said I talked as if it was a house boy I employed to help me clean up the bathroom. Who would have thought it was my husband I was referring to? He said before any woman turns him to a slave all in the name of marriage, he better stop the work. Oh wow, i didn’t even know what i said was bad, i just said it, no wonder mum gave me that look. I apologized and everything was restored.
Don’t get me wrong, him doing chores for the home is not bad, but i wasn’t supposed to brag about it like i was the boss. Marriage is not a relationship between a boss and servant. It’s a relationship between two friends, partners, and team mates. Whatever your spouse does in the home should be appreciated and not boasted about like you make him or her do it.
When your wife handles certain bills in the house, don’t go bragging about it like she’s a puppet in your hands and you have total control over her funds. Likewise wives, don’t go commanding your husbands to do this or that for you. Men love to display their ego and wise women know how to massage that ego. No man wants to feel less in his home, nor does any woman want to feel used by her husband.
It’s true the two have become one, nevertheless, learn to appreciate every kind gesture of your spouse. No matter how little he or she does for the home, “thank you” will go a long way. There is no one who will hear “thank you honey” from a grateful spouse, and will not be encouraged to do more. Such a spouse will even want to go out of his or her way to make you happy.
Don’t make everything a Right. You may block future opportunities you’re meant to enjoy from your spouse. A woman you’re threatening, telling her she should better go and pay that bill, will begin to hide her money from you before it results in financial exploitation. A man you keep talking to about the things undone in the home will begin to react because he’s feeling you want to turn him into your puppet. Wisdom is profitable to direct. Life itself and even your marriage is a privilege. You’re both privileged and favoured to be married to each other.
So whenever he handles chores at home, thank him, when she joins you to pay the bills, thank her, whenever you get home and your meal is waiting for you at the table, thank her, when he gives house allowance at the end of the month, thank him, when he pays the children’s fees, thank him. Learn to appreciate every act of generosity from your spouse.
