How do you know you have a nagging wife and not someone who has occasional mood swings or anger issues? I will tell you the characteristics of a nagging wife so that you will be able to handle your issues with your wife better.
• Your wife usually keeps repeating whatever she has to tell you
• You are stressed by your nagging wife because she always makes you feel that you are not doing enough
• She is a control freak and wants to micro manage everything but at the same time blames you saying, “You are not doing your bit.”
• The word “request” does not figure in her dictionary. She only demands and commands
• She flies into a rage and you are fearful about her temper tantrums
• She is shouting, nagging, bickering all the time. When you get into bed with her at night you feel so resentful you don’t even feel like cuddling, let alone have sex
• Home has become your dreaded zone
Nagging becomes like an everyday ritual which makes you want to scream your lungs out.
If you’re frustrated with your quarrelsome wife and are tired of being kicked around the kerb, here’s a chance to end your suffering forever. Here are 12 ways to deal with a nagging wife.
1) Don’t answer back
When we tell you not to answer back, it doesn’t mean that you need to stay quiet and let your wife keep nagging you. When your wife nags you, you need to understand that she is in a hostile state of mind. Arguing and answering back is only going to make matters worse.
Imagine a situation where your wife says, “You always forget things that I tell you to do. It is a mistake to rely on you.” Instead of saying things like, “Yes, do it yourself then. I can’t remember everything.”
Wait for her to cool down and talk to her calmly. She will surely understand you.
2) Remember, the boss is always right
Yeah, your wife is your boss. The faster you accept this fact, the easier it gets for you. A nagging wife will always see herself as the one who is right. No matter whose fault it is, you’ll be the one to say sorry almost every time.
If you start to argue, it will go on and on. If your wife is bickering at you, an intelligent husband would want to play safe and tell her that she is right.
This will calm her down and her constant bickering will stop for a while. Your stress from a nagging wife will also reduce.
3) Dealing with a nagging wife – Talk it out
Most marriages turn into unhappy ones because of lack of communication between them. If your wife is nagging you constantly, try to understand why.
You need to talk it out and understand the problem. Things aren’t just going to magically fix themselves. A 15- minute conversation could fix a 3-month-old problem.
My friend was very forgetful which made his wife nag him constantly. He thought that it was his wife’s habit to just nag. Once he spoke to her about the real reason behind her nagging, he realized that it was a small issue and tried to be less forgetful. His wife too stopped nagging him.
4) Identify your mistake and apologize
Let’s face it – you may not be the husband of the year. If your wife is nagging you, it means that you’ve done something to tick her off. Wives don’t always rant and nag for no reason.
Like most husbands, you’ll have no idea about what you’ve done to tick her off. But truth be told, you could actually be at fault. Go over your past activities and try to understand where you must have gone wrong.
For starters, you may not be stepping up to your responsibilities or taking your career seriously. Are you living up to the promises you made to her before marriage? Instead of looking for signs of a nagging wife, look for where you are going wrong yourself.
She might have a reason for nagging
Once you realize your mistake, apologize sincerely. A simple sorry can turn a nagging beast into your beautiful wife again.
5) Listen to what she has to say
Husbands are notorious for not paying attention to what wives say. When their wives nag at them, husbands focus on the part that their wife is nagging them but fail to listen to what their wife is saying while nagging.
The next time your wife nags you, listen to what she is saying while nagging. If it’s about a habit of yours that she doesn’t like or a mistake that you may have committed, work on improving those things rather than letting the nagging get worse.
Sometimes you are so focused on shutting up a nagging wife that you don’t pay heed to what she is saying. Don’t do that. Change yourself.
6) Try to see things from her perspective
Try to understand why your wife is behaving the way she does. Stand in her shoes to understand her perspective. If she keeps on bringing up past mistakes, understand why.
With other things on your mind, you might not be able to understand the reason behind your wife’s frustration.
By seeing things from her perspective, you may be able to understand her better and will find a way to tackle her nagging.
7) Talk about your perspective
It is important for your wife to understand your perspective as well. When your wife is nagging at you, take a stand for yourself and tell her how you feel.
Tell her how much her nagging is affecting your mental peace and is hampering your other engagements as well. If you feel she is controlling, tell her so.
Make sure that your wife knows how her nagging is affecting you. If she doesn’t want to listen to you then tell her that you won’t listen to her until she listens to your side of the story too.
Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t understand how you feel.
8) Work on yourself
Many wives get frustrated because husbands continue to live their life like a bachelor and don’t want to work on becoming more mature and improve life skills. Perhaps she expects you to help with household chores.
Or she wants you to be more affectionate towards her. You need to understand that you are married now and marriage brings in lots of responsibilities and obligations to fulfill. You will need to accommodate the responsibilities that come with marriage into your life.
Work on yourself to become a better person
Work on your old habits and try to improve them to become a better and more responsible person for your wife.
Start with the little things like saying “I love you” to your wife frequently, bringing the groceries, washing the dishes, etc. It’s time to grow up and finally become an adult.
9) Understand her role vs. yours
Men and women carry different labels that are based on their responsibilities and relationships. Your wife may be carrying labels such as daughter, wife, mother, entrepreneur and what not. Men too, carry various labels such as husband, entrepreneur, son, etc.
The difference here is that although men and women of today carry similar labels, their roles and responsibilities differ vastly.
Women tend to outdo themselves when it comes to carrying out their responsibilities and become multitasking experts. When men don’t live up to their roles and responsibilities, this is when women start nagging. You need to understand that your wife isn’t superwoman and it’s her human side that is nagging at you as a cry for help.
10) Negotiate with her
Marriage is about adjustments and compromises. You both need to compromise on parts of your personal life in order to fit in the obligations that you both have towards the marriage.
Negotiate with your wife and reach a workable solution. There’s nothing that can’t be resolved and you both will be able to work out a plan.
If your wife nags at you and tells you to wash the dishes every day, tell her, “Honey, Wednesdays and Saturdays are rough in the office. I’ll wash the dishes on the other days instead.” There’s nothing that is not negotiable.
11) Ask her to accept you
It becomes frustrating when your wife doesn’t accept you for who you are. Bitterness starts to creep in and threatens the very foundation of your marriage.
It is one of the characteristics of a nagging wife. Your morale and self-esteem lower because of your wife showing her dissatisfaction with you almost all the time. Tell your wife that this is the person who she married and she knew who you were before marriage.
Marriage does not change a person into someone else overnight. She needs to accept you for who you are for this marriage to work.
Share what you feel about her nagging
12) Talk to a counsellor
Counselling has many benefits and it can come to your rescue if you have been unable to find a solution to problems in your married life. If your wife’s constant nagging and bickering doesn’t stop no matter what you do, it is time for a fresh set of eyes and a new perspective.
Getting into couples therapy will help you both open up to each other in the most surprising ways.
All those years of pent up anger and frustration will finally surface. You both will be able to put forward your true selves in front of each other and the root of your problem will be finally identified.
