We all have them…those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.
We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.
So how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?
Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior
Boundaries are not threats or ultimatums.
Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.
Boundaries are firm lines – determined by you – which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.
Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical, or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.
Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration, that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a no trespassing sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.
Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.
How to Establish Boundaries
1) Self-awareness comes first.
Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.
You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself and to from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.
In order to set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like, what healthy relationships look like. You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:
Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
When do you feel disrespected?
When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
When do you want to be alone?
How much space do you need?
You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them.
2) Clear communication is essential.
Inform others in a clear and direct manner what your expectations are. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.
Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving in an inappropriate way. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.
3) Be specific, but don’t blame.
Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.
