Pay attention to your grand-uncle Prospero today. I want to enlighten you with my elderly wisdom. This will go a long way for you.
I saw a post where a question thrown to the ladies, was asked in the lines of:
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐? 𝑾𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒎?
Some answers be like:
“𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝒉𝑖𝑚, 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑙, 𝑡𝒉𝑎𝑡’𝑠 𝑤𝒉𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡.”
“𝐴𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝒉𝑎𝑡 𝒉𝑒’𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑏𝑎𝑑, 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚. 𝑊𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒 𝑡𝒉𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠𝒉𝑖𝑝”.
𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱: 𝗥𝗜𝗗𝗜𝗖𝗨𝗟𝗢𝗨𝗦!
You seem not to understand. This ain’t about whether what he’s doing is good or not. It’s about LYING! It isn’t about forgiveness either. Forgiving someone doesn’t (or shouldn’t) mean condoning the person, especially if marriage is in the picture.
This is one of the reasons we have people who have clearly married the wrong person, and they are now managing the marriage. You condoned what you should have left, all in the name of love, and you tolerated something you shouldn’t have.
“It was a little lie. It doesn’t matter. He’s just a gambler. He’s just a drinker. Apart from his smoking, he’s a good person. Apart from the fact that she doesn’t go to church, she’s really a good girl. He’s caring. He’s loving. She gets angry sometimes and hits me, but when she’s happy, she’s really great.”
These are silly sentiments that can land you in a load of mess.
While counseling some ladies, the question I would ask is, “𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒖𝒚?”
Their answer is always dull-witted: “𝐻𝑒’𝑠 𝑎 𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛. 𝐻𝑒’𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝐻𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒. 𝐻𝑒’𝑠 𝑎 𝑐𝒉𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑎𝑛. 𝐻𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝒉𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.”
None of these are any reason to enter a marriage. There’s ONLY ONE REASON you should marry someone. Only one. It’s 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙋𝘼𝙏𝙄𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙔 (I’ll make a post on this later). Compatibility in this context means, YOU ARE ABLE TO ACCOMMODATE THIS PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU’RE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH HIM OR HER. Any other thing is just a complement to the person, not a reason.
A dog is nice and lovely. That doesn’t mean you should marry a dog. (I say “dog” in both the literal and figurative sense). The good qualities of a person is not enough to qualify them for marriage. Do not enter a marriage with your emotions or with sentiments. You will most likely make a very big mistake.
If you notice a habit you are very sure you cannot condone in your partner, whether it be a volatile emotion like anger, or a terrible habit like drinking, smoking, clubbing, etc…, STOP PLANNING THE WEDDING UNTIL HE OR SHE MAKES A SIGNIFICANT CHANGE! Even if it is one small tiny little habit, don’t condone it. Stop the wedding plans and work on it, otherwise, END THE RELATIONSHIP! Uncle Prospero said so.
Because he calls you baby, buys you nice things, takes care of all your needs, therefore “𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐚 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲, 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞.”
Young lady, you will see hell on earth in that marriage!
Because she is caring, loving, cooks for you, posts you on social media, calls you sweet names, “𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬. 𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐬. 𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞.”
Bro, you’re about to enter hell on earth!
It doesn’t matter how great your partner is as a person, if there’s a bad habit, or something about him or her that doesn’t go well with you, ADDRESS IT. DON’T CONDONE IT! If there’s unwillingness to change after much persuasion, END THAT RELATIONSHIP!
Again, END THAT RELATIONSHIP!
Don’t be sentimental when it comes to marriage. The mindset of “hoping” they will change later should be blotted out and completely annihilated! Marriage is not where you “hope”.
Marriage is where the journey starts, not where you “prepare to start”. You prepare in COURTSHIP! That’s what God designed courtship for, not to go and be having baseless sex, posting selfies, and expressing futile romance. It is a period of time to prepare for that journey in marriage in every single way, and then when you enter the marriage, the journey begins.
If he doesn’t go to church, and you don’t like it, don’t manage that situation. Tell him about it straight up. If there’s no willingness to change after a long-time persuasion, END THE RELATIONSHIP! Don’t wait till it bores a hole in your mind and start giving you sleepless nights, before you get out of that mess.
If she still doesn’t know how to control her emotions, whether it be anger, or terrible jealousy, or crying about little things, encourage her to change, and address that issue while you two are still courting (dating). If she’s not changing, LEAVE HER. Don’t marry that rubbish, no matter how seemingly insignificant the rubbish is.
Again, NO SENTIMENTS! Because this generation doesn’t like to listen to advice. When I was your age many years ago. Lemme not just tell you further stories.