“Why can’t I find a good man”…”All men are dogs”…”Why does dating have to be so difficult?”. I hear this from plenty of women all the time. I’m going to leave the first two quotes alone for now but let’s answer the last one. Dating is a mess because YOU make it that way. I’m not saying that the other party involved doesn’t play their part in all of this. It’s just that I see so many women constantly set themselves up for failure but they only want to focus on the dating mistakes or bad intentions of that man. If you truly want to solve the problem then taking that approach isn’t going to help you. There is plenty we can discuss on this topic but here are three dating mistakes that constantly get overlooked.
1) Expecting him to chase you
I always hear women say “if a man wants you nothing can keep him away” this isn’t entirely true but I get it. What women who are dating fail to realize is YOU”RE JUST DATING. That man barely knows you so he may not know if he really wants you. He knows he is attracted to you and that you have caught his interest. He is willing to explore the possibilities but again he has yet to determine if he truly “wants you”.
So expecting him to jump through hoops isn’t helping the process. You don’t need to make things difficult on purpose to test him. Some good men just don’t have time for all of that and will quickly drop you from relationship potential. I am in no way saying that a woman should chase a man or be ready and on call for him. I’m just saying that expecting him to run after you while you put little to no effort yourself could be a setup for failure.
2) Believing he can read your mind
There are men who have been married for years who still struggle to know what his woman is thinking or what she is expressing non-verbally. Even when she speaks he doesn’t always know what the hell she is talking about. So how can you expect a man who does not know you to understand you and what you are not verbally expressing. What you may feel is common sense may not be so common to that man.
We all express and interpret things differently so you have to take time to get on the same page by actually saying what you mean. Some men may not be big fans of engaging in long conversations but most men (if not all) appreciate a woman who can present a clear message. All the unnecessary guessing games and confusion may simply lead to his and your frustration. Which then may lead to the end of a potential relationship.
3) Not giving what you expect in return
If you want respect then you should give respect. If you want honesty then stop telling lies. If you want a good man who will put forth effort and show he genuinely wants you then stop thinking you can sit on your butt, act like you’re not interested, and bring no true value to the table. How can you expect to get what you need when you are not willing to give it yourself. Too many women have convinced themselves that number 1 and 2 on this list are acceptable simply because they are tired of getting played.
Tired of putting good out only to get bad. So in the name of “protecting themselves” they now hold back and put walls up. The issue wasn’t what you put out but who you chose to give it to. The issue wasn’t that all men are dogs but that when your intuition told you he wasn’t best for you that didn’t stop you from convincing yourself to entertain him anyway. By holding back now because of the mistakes in the past you are now creating a bigger mistake that will cause more damage.
Continuing to implement these dating mistakes isn’t likely to do you much good. It will hinder your ability to find a relationship or you will start the relationship with some lingering issues. The same issues that you have been ignoring which is why you feel the need to act in this way in the first place. When you have yet to heal it will be very difficult to fully embrace what I am saying in this article. Nobody likes to get hurt but we have to be mindful when we are simply causing more damage to ourselves and to others. Embracing a more positive approach will help you get more positive results.