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WHAT YOU VALUE, YOU RESPECT

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Do you value your spouse? The result can be seen by the way you respect them.
Respect is the way a person treats something he or she values. If something is highly valued, a person will treat it with honor and dignity. One does not mistreat it or discard it. A valid question to ask is, “How much do I value my spouse?”
Without respect marriage partners feel devalued. That devaluation erodes this pillar and causes coldness toward one another. 1 Peter 2:17 says, “Show proper respect to everyone.”

What must be understood, however, is that men and women feel respected in different ways. A man typically feels valuable when he is able to figure something out and accomplish a goal or objective. A woman feels valued when she has someone who will listen to her and to whom she can talk and be understood.
Now, if it is true that one respects what one values, then it can be expected that a husband and wife, will show respect to each other.

The problem is that the way a man shows respect for someone he values is to help fix problems and provide answers. The way a woman shows respect to someone she values is to talk to him or her.

The goal is to first of all choose to value one’s spouse, then to learn how to show him or her respect in a way he or she will understand and appreciate.

A husband who values his wife who comes to him with a problem should rethink his first inclination is to come up with a solution. He should realize that she may not be looking for a solution. She is respecting him by talking to him and expressing what she is feeling.

Coming up with a solution may cause her to become frustrated or angry because she just wants to make a connection, not fix her problem. When that happens, the husband may become frustrated or angry because he thinks she thinks his solution isn’t good enough for her.

A wife who values her husband will express gratitude toward him when he accomplishes something. She will try to understand his tendency to “fix” problems and provide answers.
Men and women are generally wired like this. Possibly, God made humans this way to keep boredom at bay. A man and woman have a lifetime of trying to figure one another out.

A lot of jokes have been made about men not being able to understand women. It is just as true that women have a difficult time understanding men. Joking aside, the pillar of value for one another means that husbands and wives hold each other in such esteem they are willing to forego natural ways of showing respect and learn how to show respect in ways that one’s spouse will understand.

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