The last people you would expect to hurt you are your parents. The most difficult wounds to heal from are daddy and mommy wounds. So why do parents hurt their children?
1) THEY TOO WERE HURT BY THEIR PARENTS
If your parents were brought up by parents who brought them pain, they will inflict pain in you because they think that is parenthood; if they don’t heal. Parents can become bullies if they too were bullied by their parents. Interrogate the upbringing of your parents, it will reveal a lot
2) INTERGENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES
Sometimes what brings conflict is that you and your parents are in different generations and so will see things differently. Your parents being parents will have a bigger voice that you especially when you are living in their house, making you feel misunderstood and hurt. Get to see things from your parent’s perspective and explain your perspective; and even if they don’t get you, respectfully disagree – they might come around
3) THEY BELIEVE OTHERS THAN THEY BELIEVE YOU
Sometimes parents are quick to believe others – your relatives, teacher, siblings, neighbours than they are to believe you. If others say you are a thief, they think you are too. It hurts but this is why it is important to have a strong identity. Sometimes the people to prove wrong are your parents
4) THEY DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER
You are blessed to live in a day where there is a lot of resources and programs to teach you how to be a parent; your parents didn’t. Most likely they were not adequately prepared on how to nurture you, talk to you, believe in your dreams and be accessible. When one doesn’t know better they don’t do better – appreciate the much they do despite their shortfalls
5) THEY ARE HURTING EACH OTHER AND YOU ARE CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE
If your parents are not in good terms, they will hurt each other and when they do that, they can easily lose focus on you and how you are affected. When the home is chaotic, full of anger or when the divorce is messy; you will be hurt by it. Work on your healing and learn from your parents how a healthy marriage doesn’t look like
6) DEPRESSION
When your parent is depressed whether because of work, finances, loss or personal issues; you will be affected. Depressed people go off character and they will hurt those around them. If you are able to find help for your depressed parent, please do. Make sure you don’t become depressed in the process
7) THEY FEEL DISRESPECTED AND DISHONOURED BY YOU
When your parents feel hurt by you; perhaps because you are talking rudely to them, bringing them shame, being unappreciative and destroying their hard work… in their anger, they might say or do things that hurt. Judge yourself, are you hurting your parents?
8) PRIDE
Many parents, even though they know they have hurt you, they will not apologize or show remorse because of pride that thinks parents are always right. Sometimes your parents are sorry, even though they don’t voice it
9) THEY DON’T KNOW THEY ARE EXHIBITING FAVOURITISM
It hurts when you see your parents favouring your siblings over you. Sometimes parents have no idea they are doing this. Don’t hate your “favoured” siblings for this. Communicate to your parents how you feel
10) THEY THINK PUNISHING YOU IS DISCIPLINING YOU
Unfortunately, some parents think inflicting pain and making the child suffer is a parenting style. It is an outdated way of thinking. If this is how you were brought up; sorry. Heal. Your parents don’t hate you
11) THEY ARE DRIVEN BY FEAR
Fear is a powerful human emotion. It has made some parents to overreact. The fear of not being a good enough parent has made some to be absent from their children. The fear of their children being in danger has made some parents over protective and harsh. The fear of their children messing up has made some parents micromanage their children to the point of hurting them. The fear of losing their children to a spouse has made some parents damage or frustrate their children’s marriage. Don’t be driven by fear, be driven by love
12) THEY DON’T KNOW IF THEY ARE HURTING YOU
Sometimes your parents just don’t know they have hurt you or they are hurting you; which is why it is important to communicate your pain. Most parents will empathize
13) THEY ARE HUMAN
At the end of the day, parents are humans trying their best and capable of hurting anyone including you. Extend grace to them. Don’t let the pain brought from your parents crash you for life
If you are a parent; treat your children well; just because you brought them into this world doesn’t mean it is OK to treat them any how.
