Sex is an important part of marriage, and it is an amazing way to connect to our spouse that God made exclusively for marriage. Even so, some spouses use sex as a bargaining chip or punishment in their marriage, and this is extremely detrimental to the relationship.
It is also wrong! It is clear in the Bible (Corinthians 7:5) that a husband and wife shouldn’t withhold sex from one another unless they have decided to fast for a short time to strengthen their faith. Other than that (and health issues, of course), we should strive to keep sex a priority and have it as frequently as possible to stay connected to our spouse and to meet one another sexual needs.
It’s natural to think that your body belongs to you. After all, you’re the one living in it, right? But natural and biblical thinking often conflict. According to the Bible, your body (if you’re a married Christian) has two other owners.
“Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost… and that you are not your own? You have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s”. 1 Corinthians 6:19,20.
Not being your own is doubly so for those married. According to God, your spouse has access rights to your physical body. Your body isn’t yours because Jesus bought it at the cross. And, it isn’t yours because it belongs to your spouse.
As God said, “The two will become one flesh.” This isn’t a nice sentiment designed to make grandmothers cry at weddings. It is a declaration from God that constitutes a fundamental change of spiritual and physical status: Where two were, there is now one.
This is why in 1 Corinthians 7:5 the Scripture says, “Don’t defraud one another . . . (don’t cheat each other by coming up with excuses for saying “no” to sex when your spouse wants it)”. And, an important side note, here – in this matter, Scriptures teach men and women are on absolutely equal ground.
The wife’s rights to her husband’s body are the same as his.
The basic mindset of a Biblical informed spouse should be: Your body is right here waiting for you. Come and enjoy it whenever you desire. Don’t withhold from your spouse what is rightfully hers/his.
If you need to make a change then find the right moment to acknowledge to your spouse you’ve been walking in sin in this area and, going forward, you are aligning your thinking with what the Bible teaches.