When a couple is going through a time of conflict, emotions start to escalate. Soon anger, frustration and emotions are out of control. A root of bitterness begins to grow. Concerns become complaints, complaints become threats, and threats lead to disaster. One spouse begins to put down the other. Suddenly there’s nothing in the home but name calling, putdowns and cutting remarks.
Once a couple starts down this path, each person begins to withdraw and shut down emotionally. They may even begin to sleep in separate rooms. An intervention must take place.
In the Song of Solomon we read, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards…” (2:15). The “little foxes” represent those things that quietly destroy relationships.
Foxes get into vineyards to feed on the grapes, and the keepers must prop up the branches so the foxes can’t reach them. It only takes little things to come in and destroy something great. Most marriages fall apart because little things become big things. We allow something trivial to grow with the capacity to destroy us. Fighting in marriage has become the source of many jokes for comedians.
However, those whose marriages have been destroyed by fighting would testify to the contrary.
What may appear unpretentious now could become unmanageable down the road. Failure to take care of business now can result in greater failure later. We have to constantly prop up the things that are “true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8). The little fox of disrespect can turn a courtship made in heaven to a courtroom from hell. If most of us were as disrespectful to our friends and co-workers as we are to our spouse, we would be lonely and out of a job.
Another little fox is being inconsiderate.
We never call during the day to see how our spouse is doing. We fail to remember the anniversary, birthday or other special moments. We never leave a note saying we love them or we are praying for them. Being inconsiderate leads to being ungrateful, and ingratitude will result in a preoccupation with lesser things. We get so busy that we often forget to consider our marriage.
Whining, nagging, criticism and complaining are all little foxes that can undermine a relationship.
God clearly communicated his thoughts on murmuring to Moses in Exodus 16. Nothing eats away at a marriage like bad words and bad attitudes. When the home becomes a constant environment of pointing out flaws, there are destructive foxes eating away at the branches.
One little fox that destroys more families than we can number is the financial fox.
Money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce in our society. It’s a short distance from “making money to live” to “living to make money.”
In more recent years, our marriages are fighting the battle of mobility.
Couples are moving every few years in order to meet job demands and keep up with society’s expectations. The more we move the less connected we feel with each other, with friends and with the local church. The mindset “we’ll only be here a few years then we’ll move on” works against fostering meaningful relationships and getting involved in a church and leads to superficial living superficial.
Catch the little foxes before the ruin your marriage.
