Home Relationships DON’T START A NEW RELATIONSHIP ON YOUR PAST

DON’T START A NEW RELATIONSHIP ON YOUR PAST

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When you start dating, let your partner know and see you for who you are not who you were. Don’t spend precious time talking about your past, what your Ex did to you, how it hurt, how disappointed you are, etc.

People do that so as to tell the new partner where they are coming from, where they have been, what has happened to them so this new partner won’t turn out to be like their Ex. And also to get some assurance the new partner won’t do what the Ex did, or put them through what they went through, and that they won’t take them back to the class they graduated from.

But what they don’t know is that they are living in the past instead of living in the present. People who behave like that have not really gotten over their Ex or healed from what they went through. They have a bit of insecurity and fear going into the new relationship.

They are likely to constantly compare their new partner to their Ex, or refer them to the Ex when they make a mistake. They have no idea how such actions negatively affect their new partner and causes them to lose interest in the relationship.

Your Ex is not the model for every man or woman on earth. We are all different and need to learn from each person rather than generalize. No two persons are equal and each person has their own identity. If Kofi hurt you, Kofi is not the same as Kwame just because they are males. Being born on the same day doesn’t mean they are the same either.

Don’t make your new partner pay for the crimes of your Ex, don’t suspect them because of your Ex. You can’t love with such an attitude. When a relationship is over, take enough time to heal. Seek counseling, don’t rely on advice and opinions and don’t build your future around people’s experiences.

During a new relationship, talk about who you are, your beliefs, principles, personality, what you want, what you need. Get to know your partner and know who they are, what they want and what they need. Negotiate on what you can, respect your differences. Stable relationships are not all about what you have in common, or your similarities. How stable the relationship is depends on how well you manage and balance your differences.

You don’t need to control your partner for the fear of losing them or wanting to change them. Relationships are not a prison, give them freedom to be who they are and work together to build the kind of relationship you both want. Talk to your partner about your fears, give them room to work on themselves. Don’t force them.

In conclusion, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago.” – Isaiah 43:18 (GNT).

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