Someone posted this question on our WhatsApp Group, Home Harmony Family, “My husband and I have Three Kids, but he still loves sex too much. At least every weekend, he must demand sex. It’s too much for me. I’m an introvert, so I don’t have many friends to ask this. Will it be bad if I tell him to get a second wife or a mistress for sex? I can’t keep up, please.”
Here is my response to this.
If your husband has a high sex drive, talk to him about how it is causing inconvenience to you, with a soft approach, rather than bluntly rejecting his advances. The reason is that if you try to bluntly reject his advances, chances are that he starts disliking you.
Having sex once a week is the minimum norm for sexual frequency for active couples, so it’s not too alarming. If his levels are low, there are ways to raise them, both medically and naturally.
The secret is to negotiate how many times per week works for both of you. Just like many other areas in marriage, sex and its frequency also require compromise. However, studies show that a weekly frequency is good enough to keep your marriage happy.
To bring back the passion in your marriage, do the following.
1) Change your pattern of initiating sex
Maybe you are denying your partner or coming on too strong. Avoid criticizing each other and stopping the “blame game.”” Mix things up to end the power struggle. For example, distancers may want to practice initiating sex more often, and pursuers try to find ways to tell their partner “you’re sexy,” in subtle ways, while avoiding critique and demands for closeness
2) Hold hands more often
Holding hands, hugging, and touching can release oxytocin, causing a calming sensation. Studies show it’s also released during sexual orgasm. Additionally, physical affection reduces stress hormones – lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
3) Allow tension to build
Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before we receive it. So take your time during foreplay, share fantasies, change locations, and make sex more romantic.
4) Separate sexual intimacy from routine
Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom. Sexual arousal plummets when we’re distracted and stressed.
5) Carve out time to spend with your partner
Try a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. Have fun courting and practice flirting as a way to ignite sexual desire and intimacy. Everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay.
6) Focus on affectionate touch
Offer to give your partner a back or shoulder rub. People associate foreplay with sexual intercourse, but affectionate touch is a powerful way to demonstrate and rekindle passion even if you are not a touchy-feely person.
7) Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex
Share your innermost wishes, fantasies, and desires with your partner. If you fear emotional intimacy, consider engaging in individual or couple therapy.
8) Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy
Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. Look at sex as an opportunity to get to know your partner better over time.
9) Vary the kind of sex you have
Have gentle, loving-tender, intimate, and highly erotic sex. Break up the routine and try new things as sexual needs change.
10) Make sex a priority
Set the mood for intimacy before TV or work dulls your passion. A light meal, along with your favourite music and wine, can set the stage for great sex.
Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, increasing physical affection and emotional attunement can help you sustain a deep, meaningful bond.
The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can reignite the spark you once enjoyed. Remember, friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together.
Don’t always think a woman will leave you because you don’t have money. A REASONABLE WOMAN won’t leave you because you don’t have money. A woman will actually leave you:
1) When you refuse to change your character
2) When you don’t have time for her
3) When you make yourself so difficult for her to understand you
4) When you don’t communicate with her(you can’t call her or text her in a day. Both of you can’t sit, talk, and play)
5) When you don’t trust her
6) When you don’t care about how she feels
7) When you still hold on to her past
8) When you suspect her
9)When you confide in other people more than her
10) When you’re not proud of her