Caveat 🚫: Strictly for serious singles. Are you one before you read?
This is a very tough question because the goal of courtship (pure and correct courtship) is for it to end in marriage. Anything short of that is time wasting!
But in reality there are certain conditions that can make COURTSHIP not to end in marriage.
This is the reality you must allow dawn on you as singles.
Well, check these out;
1) When love and others are not mutual. You can’t force an unwilling horse. For relationship to be valid everything about it must be mutual talk of communication, Understanding, conviction etc most importantly love. When love is not mutual then the relationship is null and void, if such Relationship is pushed to marriage a disaster is inevitable. Love and other factors that makes sense of relationship shouldn’t be one sided.
2) Lust. If a relationship headed to the aisle is loaded with lustful activities you don’t need a soothsayer to know where it is heading by default. A relationship characterized by premarital sex for example is heading no where even if it is managed and pushed to marriage, a mirage is inevitable unless the needful is done.
Aside violating God’s laid down principles, a study shows that couples who wait until marriage are happier with the quality of sex than couples who have intercourse before their vows (Journal of family psychology; December 28, 2010). What about trust issue and infidelity? Though relative depending on individuals but 1 out of every 5 couples who have intercourse before marriage faces this big time in their marriages (if they made it to marriage but many don’t make it).
3) Immaturity. Maturity is indeed a very important parameters for measuring preparedness for relationship not to talk of marriage. If either of the two or both is not matured; physically (Age), mentally (ability to make informed decisions independently), spiritually (recognizing the place of God in building a great relationship), financially (having a good and dependable source (s) of income), emotionally (ability to manage emotions) etc the possibility of the relationship not ending in marriage is very high. Baby lovers lacks the capacity to withstand the demands of relationship.
4) Entitlement mentality. This is what I called the I OWN YOU mentality. A situation where someone believe he or she owns you and yours. Immediately some guys and ladies start a relationship, they automatically assume they can control and manipulate the other person’s life.
They demand sex at will, they are ready to milk dry you as a result of unquenchable appetite for money, because they see relationship and marriage as a poverty alleviation programme etc. Been in relationship with them is energy sapping, so for your sanity and mental health, it is good to do the needful.
5) Favor mentality. When either of the two thinks/act S/he is doing you a great favor for being in relationship with you, then wisdom demands that you make a good use of your brain, because marriage with such people is hell on Earth.
6) Lack of agreement. Marriage thrives on agreement, in fact when there is no agreement, there is nothing called marriage. Agreement is marriage. All salient issues must be agreed upon. When there is no agreement on sex, number of children, spirituality, doctrinal differences and harmonization etc then compatibility is not feasible. What’s the essence of marriage then? For marriage to be feasible the two must be on the same page.
7) Abusive tendencies. The issue with many singles is their deliberate neglect of red flags in courtship. “You think love is blind, then marriage would open your eyes” no matter how good he or she is in pretending there will always be signs pointing to his or her abusive nature. Slap you at the slightest provocation, rain curses on you, call you unprintable names, leaving no stone unturned to remind you anytime you have issue of how foolish, stupid you are etc all these and more are pointer to their nature. Flee!
8) When God is not involved. God has a way of preventing His sons and daughters from danger. No matter how far they go the wrong way He has a way of pulling them back. I can say confidently that I enjoyed that grace when I was single. Since He knows the end from the beginning He sure knows how to cause a “peaceful separation” to find expression just to protect His sons and daughters. May you receive that grace!
A good plus godly courtship should by default end in marriage but all these and many more would make it impossible.
Is these some kind of rules? Oh! if education is expensive then try ignorance. Many ignored these but they are paying the price in marriage everyday. In the end they say marriage is a scam and they continue to mentor generations. Beware of who and what you listen to rather ask questions to test their claim.
Courtship is a time to be smart, love intelligently, open your eyes, know what you want and what want you.
Forever I always say is too long to be unhappy.
You know I love you.
An impactful and responsible relationship and marriage is possible.