“Because people aren’t perfect and relationships are messy, we all need to learn how to resolve conflicts.”
— John Maxwell
“The question is not whether or not, conflicts will arise between any two people at any time. They will!.. Now, we’re the people prepared beforehand on how to resolve or manage conflicts?”
That is the question “
Many times, a broken heart is simply the result of an unscrupulous relationship. People allow just about anybody access into their lives and they get to suffer for that wrong decision .
If you keep the wrong people around you for too long, you’re very likely to marry one of them. If your life is going to be purposeful and successful, then you must continually ensure that you do not keep the company of wrong people.
An example of a wrong person to be friends with or even to date, is someone who is not skilled in conflict resolution. Or at least on their way to becoming skilled. Here are some ways to identify such people. You’ll often find them:
Avoiding conflict.(walks away, starts to give silent treatment, shuts the door to communication)
Being defensive.(refuses to acknowledge fault or their own contribution to the issue, flares up during a conversation and starts to use abusive language)
Over generalizing.
Being right.(never accepts that they also can be wrong sometimes)
Psychoanalyzing.
Forgetting to listen.(because they see themselves or their own arguments as superior to their partner’s)
Playing the blame game.
Trying to “win” the argument.
Gaslighting.
Being emotionally manipulative.
Issuing threats in order to silence their partner (you’ll hear them use words like “don’t ever call me again”, “I’m done!!!”, “it’s over!!”… “I’m calling off this thing”…)
Regardless of how much love two people have for each other, if they don’t know how to effectively resolve conflicts, they can easily deteriorate their relationship. The constant wear and tear caused by poor conflict management will continually grind at the love between them until eventually, there’s nothing left to hold on to.
Conflicts aren’t a bad thing in themselves, it’s how we handle them that produces different outcomes.
It is a wise thing to consciously work on your own conflict management/resolution skills before contemplating marriage. Even in friendship and other relationships like family, business partnerships/relationships and work place environments, great conflict resolution skills are a must, if we want to experience ease and grow together.
And as you work on and perfect these skills, make it priority to select friends who share the same values with you, not only on their words but by their actions also.Since you will marry your friend, don’t keep someone who doesn’t share same values as you as a friend.
Marriage is designed to last for a lifetime, you don’t want to spend that lifetime with someone who isn’t skilled at or at least willing to put in the work required, to manage conflicts well.
