One of the most frequent desires I hear from married people is, “I wish my spouse and I could get on the same page.” Two people hitched together can’t make progress if they’re pulling in opposite directions.
Your marriage is not a business. But for a moment, think of what it would be like if the CEO and the COO and the VP of a corporation were all trying to accomplish different things. Energy, time, and money would be wasted. Employees, customers, and investors would be confused. The business would soon fail.
It’s the same when husband and wife are not aligned. Some couples who are not “on the same page” stay legally married, but deteriorate into a miserable détente or living as roommates. Other couples fight and bicker and continually cause each other pain. Still others give up and end the relationship.
You’ve heard the statement that if you and your spouse were identical in every way, one of you would be unnecessary. Men and women are different. Personalities are different. But you still need to be aligned for your marriage to be successful.
So what does being on the same page with your spouse mean – and not mean?
Naturally, you can’t expect to agree with absolutely everything your partner thinks or does. Nevertheless, being on the same page means that you’re aligned on the things that matter to you. These could be, for example, lifestyle, kids, money, and friends.
Everyone has a list of significant life decisions and what they care about. The key is to make sure that your list matches with your partner are one to avoid being not on the same page.
How to get on the same page starts with knowing yourself and your values. These are guiding principles for how you live your life, for example, honesty and respect. Although, everyone will define these values slightly differently and expect them to show up in behaviors.
The more you know your values and live by them, you’re more likely to lead a fulfilling life. Moreover, you’ll be able to match with a partner who has similar values. Then, you’ll easily be on the same page.
If you’re not on the same page in a relationship, then you’ll quite simply be miserable. You’ll find yourself constantly second-guessing your partner and probably getting it wrong. This could lead you into a vicious circle of arguments and frustrations.
