People need to know that although a bride price is paid for marriage, lots of sacrifices are made in the name of getting married. Marriage is not a property you acquire but rather a relationship you build. Building a lasting and successful relationship requires lots of sacrifices and if one refuses to work for that, such marriages doesn’t travel far. There is a reward or a blessing in building a lasting marriage.
Its rather unfortunate we live in a society where one is deemed successful or blessed based on what he or she has acquired during a period of time, to the extent that even respect is calculated based on that. For example, a university graduate is more respected than a high school leaver. A masters degree holder is more respected than a degree holder. Same way a PhD holder is more respected than a masters degree holder.
A car owner is more respected than a bicycle owner. The tenant of a two-bedroom apartment is more respected than one renting a single room. A home owner is more respected than a tenant. In the same spirit, a married person is more respected than a single person. One is easily tagged as unaccomplished or not successful when he or she doesn’t acquire certain things at a certain age including marriage. Its such a pity how some singles in their thirties are mocked and disrespected because they are not married.
Due to this behaviour, there is a lot of pressure to get married at a certain age. Therefore, people are acquiring spouses at a particular age without developing the relationship. As a matter of fact, some single men feel they are doing some single ladies a favour by getting married to them else she will become a laughing stock in the society. It is no longer embarrassing for a single man to approach a lady he has no relationship with, just to propose marriage.
Lots of marriages are contracted, husbands and the wives have no relationship. The husband acquired the wife to take care of his home, cook for him, wash for him, give him sex and babies and in the absence of those things, the marriage is over. Marriages these days are run on cultural and religious roles. Marriage is a relationship, not two people bound by roles and duties. If your spouse will give their best to the marriage its about how they feel, and how they feel depends on how the husband and wife relate.
You don’t expect your wife to give you sex or enjoy sex with you when you have no relationship. A woman who knows you married her for sex, food, children, laundries won’t be happy in such marriage. What this means is that your man doesn’t love you, but just using you. When she has a good relationship with him, she is happy doing everything it takes to make him happy. If a husband has a good relationship with the wife and married her not because of what she has or does for him, such a man doesn’t feel pain or think twice giving to his wife or spending on her.
We don’t marry someone because of the benefits but the relationship. The person you are married to comes first before the benefit. Each time you put the benefit first, it means you are just using them. Knowing your spouse makes you enjoy them. You don’t enjoy them without knowing them. The relationship comes first. Let’s pursue the right relationships, make time to communicate with your partner, put them first, let their needs come first.
Let them know they are more important than what they do for us. Let them know you married them and not what they stand to gain. Let them know you didn’t acquire them; they are not your property. Show them love and respect. Build the relationship and you will enjoy the rewards/blessings.
In conclusion, “Timely advice is as lovely as gold apples in a silver basket’- Proverbs 25:11 (TLB). Written by Danjuma Iliya
