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PHONE WAHALA” IN MARRIAGE

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Some years ago I asked a married woman if her husband could handle her phone and she retorted, “Why should he?” I asked her why shouldn’t he handle the phone? She told me, “My husband dares not to touch it”. Hmmm! Na wa o. Is marriage a war zone?

These days because of many misconceptions about marriage as well as distrust caused by wrong behaviors, a lot of people are acting strangely in marriage. Fine, phone is mainly a personal belonging to someone. However, it should never cause tension in homes. One mustn’t lose his/her sleep as a result of what is contained in their spouse’s phone.

Honestly, picking up one’s spouse phone suspiciously in order to check whether or not the spouse is cheating on them is very, very wrong. That’s immaturity. That’s a show of distrust, resulting from a faulty marital ideology and mindset. It’s not necessary at all.

As a married man, I have never picked up my wife’s phone to check if she is cheating on me. Never! I have never bothered myself with whom she communicates, who her contacts or friends are, how she spends our money, etc. I only touch her phone to help her charge it or when she has a caller who calls her line incessantly because she dropped her phone somewhere in the house while she herself is somewhere else doing something.

I also handle her phone when I need to browse and that my internet service provider is very poor. I don’t check her messages, not even in her absence. I don’t need to. My wife and I don’t have any problems handling each other’s phone. It’s nothing to us. It’s not a big deal.

Friends, here is the gospel truth: it’s not a crime or sin not to handle your spouse’s phone. Not at all. It’s their personal effect, okay? However, a blissful marriage is one where the two spouses are best of friends, they fear God, respect each other and are committed to the ethos of a successful marriage. Therefore, if they are truly best of friends as explained in the Bible, then handling each other’s phone won’t be any issue at all. It won’t be any big deal. Never! In marriage there is nothing such as “my privacy”. The day you marry, you stop having a “personal privacy”. It’s now “the privacy of both of you”.

In marriage, trust is not automatic; it’s built over time. Trust is a product of genuine love, provable love, love without “unpleasant surprises”, love without cheating or cheating tendencies. Also, trust is a product of true friendship built over the years of closeness. When both spouses establish a solid friendship relationship in their dating, courtship days and even bring it into their marriage, issues such as “don’t touch my phone” will never happen. Never!

One of the reasons why some people will never let their spouse touch, let alone handle their phone is because they have “skeletons” in their cupboard. Many couples password their phones so that their spouses won’t have access to it. What a shame! Honestly you won’t allow your spouse to touch your phone if you are hiding something from them. Like the popular adage says, “A clear conscience fears no accusations”.

In most cases, the issue isn’t the phone, but the “unpleasant things” some spouses do with their phones (sometimes it may not even be cheating issues, but some other bad secrets kept). If you want the “phone wahala” in your home to end, FEAR God. Lead a godly life. Value your marriage. Respect your spouse and make them your best of friends. Trust yourselves. Practice fairness and justice. Uphold your marital vows.

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