Cheating is one of the tough subjects to write on as a counselor, when you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or create perceptions in the minds of people. But whatever the case is, I pray the Holy Spirit guides me as I teach on this subject today. Please read to the very end before you pass comments. In 2007 when Ghana was celebrating Ghana @ 50, I was one of the finest Disc Jockeys (DJ) in Kwahu in the Eastern Region of Ghana.
I was blessed to be hired by the Afram-Plains North District Assembly to entertain people, using my talent and skills, during the celebration. After all was said and done, I got paid for my job. The District coordinator re-engaged me but this time, he took me to Nadowli in the Upper West Region of Ghana. At Nadowli I had the opportunity to choose from meals such as Plan Rice, Jollof Rice and Tuo Zafi (TZ).
Truth be told, I had never eaten TZ before and staring at the green soup and how people were eating, I had no appetite for it and vowed not to try it. I even feared feeling nauseous or having a runny stomach should I make an attempt. On the second day of my stay, after a long night being the DJ, I was very tired and hungry the morning. Unfortunately for me, what was served by my guest at the hotel that very day was only TZ.
I had no choice than to stay hungry, but after an hour, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got on my knees and asked God to save me from any vomiting or stomach upset after eating. I started the food with great fear but after the first ball, everything changed. In fact, it was the best meal and after eating, nothing bad happened to me as I thought. I got back to Kwahu with a great appetite for TZ.
I could take a Taxi, travel from Mpraeso to Nkawkaw just to get TZ. I craved for TZ sometimes and I couldn’t control my craving or appetite. Up to today, there are days I crave for TZ. When my wife has taken time to prepare other foods at home. I end up not enjoying or eating the food cooked for me at home because in my mind, I have the taste of TZ, and that is what I crave for. It is a battle between my past experience and what has been prepared for me.
The fridge is full of food cooked for me, but I abandoned them for my experience with TZ. I wonder how I enjoyed a stranger’s food but ignored the one my wife put all efforts in to prepare for me. That was how I cheated on my wife, abandoned what I am blessed with for what I experienced in the past. There is nothing more hurtful to a wife than when the husband ignores the effort and energy she put into preparing a great meal for him, and yet the man refuses to eat, abandons the food or plays with it.
It is not always true that cheating is the habit of an unhappy spouse. It is as a result of the past experiences. No one craves for a food they have not seen or eaten before. No man or woman will crave to have sex with someone if they have not had such an experienced or encounter in the past. Happy spouses are cheating in their marriage because of their past experience.
The badest, weirdest , craziest adventurous sexual experiences they had in the past is recorded in their memory. Sometimes they miss these experiences and when they suggest to their spouse to try these experiences, outcome is not the same; treating your spouse whom you love like someone you were only having an affair with.
Sometimes, your spouse can see you are not with them, they can noticed the change in your behaviour. They can tell you are not treating them as someone who loves them. The first experience always creates doors and windows in our lives and that of our marriage. Our mind plays back these recorded experiences and sometimes we are forced to go back to these people we had such encounters with or look for someone else to practice it with.
We can be born again, accept Jesus Christ as our personal Saviour, have a change of mind, but truth be told, it is only your soul which was saved, the body is not saved. It is only your spirit which is saved, the flesh remains the same. What cannot be saved needs to be controlled.
We are not able to control our desires because of the doors our experience has created for us. We are still in touch with the people we did that with, we still read and watch the very things that trigger these experiences, we are still feeding ourselves with the garbage. The mind is so powerful that it replays what the heart cannot delete.
We go to God to deliver us each time we fall for these acts but because the doors are not closed, we end up doing it again. For those who are already condemned by the devil, cheating feels normal. Our experiences are not better than what God is creating; affairs are not better than marriage. Cheaters know this and the reason why they cannot stop is because Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious! – Proverbs 9:17 (NIV).
It is not the case that your spouse is bad in bed and cannot satisfy your sexual needs, but because the affair tastes sweet. Just the sight and thoughts of your cheating partner turns you on. Sex happens in the mind even before the body. Marriage is a ministry; it is not by accident you are married to the man or woman in your life.
You are to partner with God to bring them healing and restoration. Let your marriage reflect the purpose of God. Money doesn’t satisfy self-control, character does. We are comfortable with wealth, feeding our feelings but not working on our character. Your character needs good food to be able to control your body.
Don’t go to bed with different men or women in mind. Your bedroom is strictly for your spouse. Leave your past experience, leave your crime partners and cleave to what God has blessed you with. Trust God to make your marriage better.
In conclusion “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” – Hebrews 13:4 (NIV). Written by Counselor Dj.
