Relationships are important and connect us to people, opportunities, blessings etc. but one’s happiness is equally important. A healthy relationship is between two happy people, in such a relationship the couples enjoy each other and give their best to the relationship.
In the same spirit when one is hurt, he or she ends up hurting their partner. Unhealthy relationship is the one between two hurt people or with someone who is hurt. It’s very true we don’t go into relationships to hurt our partner but as imperfect as we are, we will hurt each other in the course of the relationship.
Hurting one another does not makes us incompatible, but more important is how we are able to heal or get over the hurt. It is rather unfortunate that lots of couples don’t know how to handle each other when one is hurt, so they end up hurting each other continuously.
Each time you realize your partner is hurt, that’s the perfect time to give special attention to your partner and the relationship. It’s your responsibility to find out the cause and work with them to heal. At a time like that, their healing is more important than anything else. If the healing process requires you give your partner some space for a while, you do that , because it is what they need at that time.
The least they need is selfishness from you, so instead of imposing on them what you want from them or what they can do for you, rather find out what you can do to help them heal. If it requires them needing to be alone and by themselves for sometime because of the hurt, understand them and give them what they want. If it requires a break in communication for sometime, give them what they want but don’t use the space or opportunity to get involved with others. Remember you are doing that for the wellbeing of your partner.
If you contributed to the hurt, let them know how sorry you are and assure them of your support in any form in times like that. They might not laugh with you as they used to, you opt to give them time to heal. They might not do things you used to do when all was well, you opt to understand things are different now. You don’t abandon or get mad at that time. We all have ways of handling pain, the fact that it doesn’t take you long to get over hurt, does not mean they should do same. Remember you are different.
If it requires you to go on separation, give them the needed support to see them heal, instead of trying to force or convince them to be with you at all cost; instead of asking people of high influence to force your partner to stay because of the fear of losing the relationship. When you do that, you are not only telling your partner that you are a selfish and self-centered person but also, you don’t truly care about them. Just as you won’t enjoy being forced to put your wounded foot in a tight shoe, don’t force a hurting partner into a relationship that is the cause of the hurt.
Threatening to commit suicide when they leave the relationship, only makes you a blackmailer. You are only forcing them to live with you with the hurt and fear. When you blackmail someone emotionally, you destroy the emotional connection that exists between you two. You make them a prisoner in the relationship. It’s like adding insult to injury. It’s an error to expect a hurting partner to love you; once your actions keep hurting them, don’t expect them to keep loving you. Don’t expect them to stay with you.
And don’t think it’s easy for them to leave. It’s more painful leaving someone you want to spend every minute of your time with. Nobody loves to be sick or be hospitalized, but unfortunately that is the only way to get well. If they don’t leave, they are likely to hurt you the more and you are likely to become like them too.
In conclusion, ‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each others’ faults because of your love” – Ephesians 4:2 (NLT).
