People are encouraging lots of unhealthy marriages in the system. The worst of all is when they use the children to blackmail their spouses.
Marriage is supposed to be healthy, a relationship that makes you feel safe and secure because the married couple have a behaviour that makes the marriage feel safe. Any action, behaviour or attitude that causes a spouse or couple to think of leaving the relationship needs to be examined and worked on to make the marital space safe.
Counseling or couple therapy is something married couples need to do anytime they have issues they are unable to resolve. Unfortunately, people have a bad understanding of this tool or resource so they think going to counseling means selling their marital issues or going to disgrace each other or wash their dirty laundry in the open.
Some have the idea that no marriage is perfect, therefore the Counselor or therapist also have issues, and so there is no need seeing them. Some people will wait until the marriage is broken beyond repairs, that is when they look for a Counselor as their last resort.
Counselors are trained professionals with the experience, tools, skills, knowledge and all the resources needed to help couples. Counseling is confidential and done in a safe environment. It gives the couple a safe environment to vent their emotions, bring out what is hidden, help them identify what the problem is, help couples understand each other, lead them in meeting each other’s needs, help in healing emotionally and build a healthy relationship.
Counselors don’t push their personal views, opinions, ideas or their relationship on others. They listen actively. They are non-judgmental, honest and empathetic. The process is designed to help you.
You don’t stay in a marriage that makes you overthink, worry, depressed, sad, suicidal, feel unhealthy, at a loss, disrespected, with a low self-esteem, physically sicked or injured, etc. because of children.
The question is, can an unhealthy parent give a child healthy care? Just as an unhealthy environment is toxic to your health and that of your loved ones, so is an unhealthy marriage or relationship toxic to you and your children.
One word people misunderstand is SEPARATION. Separation is not divorce and when a spouse feels unsafe, taking them out of the place that makes them unsafe is a healthy thing to do; it makes room for work to be done in an unhealthy environment. Using children and threatening to keep your spouse in such an environment is an act of cruelty and not love.
Let’s not pretend to be married. Let’s make it work, let’s make it healthy. A safe home will make your life safe. A healthy marriage makes you healthier.
In conclusion, “Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” – Proverbs 11:14 (AMP).