The bitter truth be told, lots of young people are in what I call prison, not relationships. They are not happy in the relationship they find themselves in but are afraid to leave also. Their relationship does not give them the freedom they need.
They are in the relationship to please the one they are with or make them happy against their own will. There are lots of proposals that deserve the answer NO, but one was afraid to say it because of the fear that the guy might get angry with her so they rather go with a YES and pretend all is well.
Such people don’t understand the importance of freedom. If they did they would realize that saying NO might make him angry but that will make her feel free in spirit and mind. Your freedom is more important than his anger.
You know he is married, engaged to someone else, but still wants you which you are not happy with. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for his. When you do that, it equals to killing yourself to give him life. A healthy relationship is between two living beings, not between the dead and the living. Death actually ends a relationship and you cannot be in a relationship with a ghost either.
You don’t like her character or behaviour but because you belong to one faith or belief, your pastor wants you to marry her and believe she will change in the future after marriage. Please be careful, that is a trap waiting for you. No one’s beliefs make them a better person than their behaviour. Don’t say YES because you don’t want to get your pastor angry or disappointed. You might end up disappointing yourself big time. Being in the same church does not automatically guarantee a good or same depth of character.
So he proposed to you or is in a relationship with you and he wants to make you his personal property. He behaves as if he owns you by the way he talks to you and people around you. To him you don’t have a life of your own. Everything requires his approval or permission. He determines who you talk to and the company you keep. He makes you feel like a child who does not know her right from left, all in the name of relationship.
Please be very careful of such relationships. All of us belong to God, we are not born to belong to any man or woman. What we do in a relationship or marriage is to share ourselves with someone who is willing to share an equal amount of themselves with us. That’s what makes marriage a partnership.
If he or she is not ready to share their lives with you, but act as if they own you and you belong to them, such a relationship is a prison, the earlier you leave, the better it will be. Don’t stay there with an excuse that you don’t want to hurt them or make them angry, whilst you are dying inside slowly.
And if you finally leave such a relationship, please take enough time to heal yourself. Seek counselling if you have to. Don’t get into any new relationship if you have not healed. Don’t use the next partner as a band-aid for your wound. Grow through the pain, it is part of the healing process.
The danger of not healing is that, you will end up bleeding on the very people who didn’t cut you. You will end up hurting and pushing away the people who genuinely love and care for you.
In conclusion, “Acknowledge that the Lord is God. He made us, and we belong to him; we are his people, we are his flock” – Psalm 100:3 (GNT).
