It’s mostly common with those dating, where you find one partner forcing the other to change at all cost, by thunder or by fire. As if they have no life without the one they are studying for marriage. It’s a total mistake trying to force someone to change to fit you. The fact that they are not willing to change whatever they are doing which you are not happy with, shows clearly they can’t fit into your life.
Instead of spending that amount of energy, time and effort on someone without success, why don’t you spend that amount of energy or effort on yourself. The only person you can change is you, that is the reason your effort aimed at changing your partner or the one you are dating is pointless.
These traits, habits, behaviours, character, attitude that you are not comfortable with, which the one you are dating exhibits and is not willing to change are red flags or warning signs. They show that you are heading towards danger, it’s not safe and you need to advice yourself before it’s too late.
Most often Singles are praying to God to show them if the one they are dating is the right person, but on the other hand they ignore the signs that God reveals to them. God does not reveal those signs to you for you to fix them. He does that for your safety and to protect you from the trouble ahead. Changing people is the business of God not you.
One sign that shows your partner is not willing to change is that each time you talk about their behavior or actions, they don’t admit it or accept it is a problem or issue. Some even believe you are the problem because you pointed out things they needed to change.
Another evidence that shows they are not willing to change is that, they apologize for their actions but do nothing to change it, yet continue to repeat it over and over with the promise that they will change.
Don’t get married to anyone who promises to change their bad behaviour; even if the pastor of their church pleads with you on their behalf that they will talk to them and even assure you of change in the future
It doesn’t matter if the assurance is coming from the parents or close friends, please don’t go ahead with such a marriage. It is better to delay the marriage, see the evidence of the change or experience the change before you agree to get married to them.
If you met him drinking, it’s not your duty to force him to stop drinking, the question is are you willing to be with someone who drinks? If you met him as a womanizer, it’s not your duty to force him to stop womanizing, the question is can you live with a womanizer?
If she was lazy when you met her, it is not your duty to force her to stop being lazy, the question is, can you live with a lazy wife? If she was disrespectful when you met her, it’s not in your place to force her to stop that, the question is can you live with someone who disrespects you?
We can complain about what we don’t like about our partner but we cannot force them to please us in the name of marriage. They must be willing to do that without being forced. In the future you don’t want your partner to bounce back to their old habits or behaviour because you fought or had a disagreement or simply because they are not happy with you in the marriage.
Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t take their personal development seriously. Don’t rush into any marriage. In life its always better to take the long route because you learn more and also pick up more experiences on your way, than taking the shortcut which may lead to regrets.
In conclusion, “And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up” – Galatians 6:9 (TLB).