What Is a Serial Dater?
A serial dater is someone who dates many people but avoids long-term commitments and relationships. They thrive on the thrill of the chase. They refuse to play by the rules of choosing a life partner according to God’s standard. The serial dater loves the thrill of chase; they love the first couple of dates; they relish that new date feeling.
Maybe it’s an ego thing, maybe it’s a boredom thing, but securing a new date is their ultimate high.
What’s the problem there, you might ask? After all, who doesn’t like going on a first date with someone they really like? Who doesn’t love that feeling when the other person accepts your invitation to dinner or drinks? The problem is, that’s the only bit they do like.
The serial dater acts like dating is his job. Apparently online dating sites are chock full of these peeps. They are never ready to settle down. They like the chase, and once they have you in their web (or bed), then BAM, they’re out like proverbial trout.
BEWARE OF SERIAL DATERS
Psychologists believe that dopamine is one of the key chemicals released in our brain that results in feelings of infatuation. Infatuation, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary, is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. It becomes dangerous when it’s confused with the love it takes to make a marriage last.
Serial daters are dopamine addicts. They date for about three or six months, enjoy the euphoric experience that a new relationship brings, and then break up when real life begins and infatuation ends. They do this over and over and over again. Serial daters generally have a hard time once they decide to marry because committing to one man or one-woman means giving up access to the experience they crave. They lived life drunk on dopamine and now they’ve made a commitment that keeps them from that high.
When you compare the effects of drunkenness to those of infatuation, you find a lot of similarities. Drunkenness causes irrational behavior (Genesis 9:20–22), suppresses our conscience (Genesis 9:24–25), and impairs our ability to make good judgment (Proverbs 31:4–5). The same is true with infatuation and lust. Those driven by their passions and lusts are usually irrational, go against what their conscience says is right and wrong, and make terrible decisions that could negatively affect the rest of their lives.
HOW TO SPOT A SERIAL DATER?
This Person Doesn’t Talk About Your Future Together
One of the clear signs that you’re with a serial dater is that he or she refuses to discuss a future with you. To that end, even making long-term plans may make him or her uneasy or uncomfortable, and he or she may change the subject in order to avoid having to give any sign of a commitment going forward. So if you notice that your partner isn’t interested in discussing what lies ahead for the two of you as a couple, even if it’s committing to being your plus one at a friend’s upcoming wedding, it’s likely because it’s not going to happen.
This Person Doesn’t Open up to You
Along these lines, an additional sign that you’re with a serial dater is that he or she refuses to open up to you about anything remotely personal. After all, in order to build a deep and meaningful connection with someone, it’s important to be able to open up about your feelings, your past, and your hopes and dreams. On the other hand, a serial dater will opt to keep things light and stay close-lipped about anything that falls into the personal category since he or she isn’t actually interested in investing in your relationship.
This Person Doesn’t Introduce You to Anyone Significant in His or Her Life. Another sign that you’re with a serial dater is that he or she doesn’t make an effort to introduce you to the other people in his or her life who are important to him or her. In fact, serial daters tend to date so many people that there’s no one they feel is even worth introducing to their friends and family. To that end, introducing you may cause confusion or a name slip-up where you may be mistaken for another person who’s currently on his or her dating roster.
This Person Doesn’t Give You His or Her Full Attention
If you’re wondering if you’re with a serial dater, another key indicator is that your partner is never fully present when you’re together. In fact, if he or she is constantly texting others, seems distracted, and even acts in a secretive and evasive way, these are clear signs that you’re with a serial dater. To that end, it’s not uncommon for serial daters to be swiping, messaging, and setting up plans with other people when you’re hanging out with one another.
This Person Doesn’t Keep Commitments
Another indicator that you’re with a serial dater is that he or she frequently breaks plans and other commitments that he or she made with you. In other words, if he or she often cancels plans to hang out at the last minute, isn’t entirely trustworthy, and generally overpromises and under-delivers, he or she isn’t truly serious about you or the state of your relationship. And if you’re constantly feeling let down by this person and don’t think that you can take this person at his or her word, the words you’re actually looking for are, “serial dater.”
This Person Is Only Looking for Physical Intimacy. Another sign that you’re with a serial dater is that he or she is highly interested in being with you physically but isn’t interested in investing in you emotionally. In fact, serial daters are often eager to turn up the heat in the physical sense but aren’t looking to truly get to know you in any other capacity. So if you’re feeling as though your partner is only interested in something physical, it’s time to wave goodbye to this serial dater and find someone who’s truly worthy of you in every respect.
If you are blessed by this teaching, please comment. Share your experiences with us or contribute to what I said. Let’s develop the habit of interacting.
How can a serial dater be helped to become a serious person?
The only solution is to repent, be born again and humble yourself to first acquire the knowledge of marriage. Lack of understanding the Principles of Marriage is the reason why many are making terrible mistake in relationship.
Serial dating is a silent practice of divorce. Imaging a young girl or boy who is only 25 years old and have had broken away from 12 or more relationships. How many more will they date and break away when they reach 40? Because they have been practicing the principle of divorce in relationships, by the time they married, it will be difficult for them to stay with one partner in marriage.
This is one reasons why some married couples cheat or divorce. From being a Serial Dater before marriage to becoming a Serial Monogamist thereafter. Repentance and obeying God’s standard for choosing a life partner is the only way out. Paul challenges us to “have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5).
Christ did “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility [counted] others more significant than [himself]” (Philippians 2:3). When you serial date, you’re not operating with the mind of Christ, but in the spirit of the anti-Christ.
