Sometimes I wonder what people see in others before they propose to them. When you met her, she was always in the company of male friends yet you liked her and believed you loved her. You proposed, she agreed to be in a relationship with you then all of a sudden you want her to stop talking or hanging out with her male friends. The question is, if she had something doing with them, would she still had gone ahead to accept your proposal?
She loves to wear short skirts, that is what makes her feel comfortable. You met her, studied her for some time, professed your love for her and she agreed to be in a relationship with you. The next moment you complain about her dresses and you want her to stop wearing them.
The question to you is, what drew you to her? If you think dressing in short skirts makes her spoilt or a bad lady, the question is, what do you Mr. Good man want to do with Madam spoilt? Why do you want to be associated with something you don’t like?
You meet him on social media, he has lots of ladies as friends, he proposes to you, and you agree to be in a relationship yet complain he has too many lady friends and that they always comment or like his post. The question to you is, if you don’t trust him, why did you agree to be in a relationship with him?
To love someone does not mean you have the power to change them into who you want them to be. To love someone means you accept them for who they are. If you can’t accept the one you claim to love for who they are or what they do, then don’t propose to them.
Once you don’t accept them but agree to be in a relationship with them, then what you are doing daily is rejecting them. You find fault with everything they do, You criticize them and dont appreciate them. On one hand you are telling them you want to be with them, on the other hand you are saying they are not good for you.
Each time you criticize her dress, you are also criticizing her personality. Avoiding or ignoring her because she wears short dresses, after she has agreed to be with you, does not speak love. I know some people do that out of insecurity whilst others do that out of good intention. You don’t need to make her feel bad about herself because you love them.
You first accept and appreciate what she had before you introduce something new to her. You can start by saying, your current dress looks good on you but something a bit longer will look nicer.
You don’t need to be judgmental about her dresses and end up condemning her. There is more to her than what she wears. And if you truly love her then let your love look beyond her dress, look at her soul, at what you share than what she wears. The fact that she has only male friends or hangs out with them should not be a cause of concern unless she treats you just the way she treats the male friends.
And if she treats you special, values the relationship, shares with you, then you should trust her. Spend more time together, create more beautiful memories. She will know how to cut off those companies.
You don’t need to make your love for him or her conditional, asking them to choose between you and her friends or her dress. Behaviours as such only make your love questionable. Remember if you force love, you get crap. The next time you propose love to someone, take time to study them. Outline the things you don’t like about them and ask yourself if you can live with that?
If you can’t love them as much as you love yourself then better leave them alone. To love someone does not mean they have to be like you. You need to love them for who they are and not who you want them to be.
In conclusion, and whatever you do, do it with kindness and love – 1 Corinthians 16:14 (TLB). Written by Danjuma Iliya
