Ladies and gentlemen, if this matter is not properly dealt with, men and women in relationships and marriages will continue to have problems. Every time I pick a topic to write on, I write with intentionality. Don’t joke with it. I’m saying this, because what I’m about to share with you today is the bedrock of many misunderstandings found in relationships and marriages.
I have been privileged to have been placed in a position of counseling, and people reach out to me, especially ladies, to complain that they don’t understand their man, and that the men don’t understand them either. Love is expressed wrongly because it is misunderstood.
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒐. 𝑷𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.
Love was given to us by God as males and females, but the understanding of love differs amongst our genders. Men understand, assimilate and express love in a manner that is TOTALLY DIFFERENT from how women understand, assimilate, and express love. Get this understanding first.
A man’s understanding about love is RESPECT. 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏 𝑬𝑮𝑶 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒏𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒂𝒏. What makes a man feel like a man is that God-given EGO. This is what gives us that manly pride, not unto sin, although when excessively expressed can become rather sinful, because too much of everything is bad.
So, no matter what you do, DO NOT TRAMPLE A MAN’S EGO. Don’t even step on it. In fact, don’t tamper with it. It is what makes him (feel like) a man. A man whose ego is challenged either withdraws from you, or, in an attempt to preserve his ego, resort to “war”. That’s why when women become troublesome, and begin to meddle with a man’s ego, he either leaves the house, or he uses brutality to repair his damaged ego, hitting the woman. I’d always say, apart from men who are possessed, women are mostly the reason domestic violence happens. When a woman begins to run her mouth, she thinks she’s speaking up for herself, while in the process, she’s stepping on the man’s ego, and that doesn’t go well with him.
Your goal as a woman is to PRESERVE YOUR MAN’S EGO! GIVE HIM RESPECT! The best thing you can do for a man is to help him maintain his manly nature. Allow him be a man. Again and again, STOP THAT FEMINISM NONSENSE! Let this man be a man for you. He knows you can do it, but he wants to do it for you. Sometimes it’s not even about you, but about him. He just wants to feel like a man by doing things for you, and you should let him. It’s not bad that you’re richer than him, but it’s horrible to rub it in his face. You’re disrespecting him! Stop the rubbish. Allow this man express his manliness. Help him preserve his ego.
Stop screaming at a man in the name of speaking up for yourself. There are other ways to express yourself without that disrespect. (This is a secret many don’t know. Don’t ignore it).
The secret of Jezebel’s successful marriage was that she helped her husband maintain his ego. She never made him feel any less of a man, even when that opportunity presented itself. They were horrible people, but they had a successful marriage. Women should learn this one good thing about Jezebel. Learn to preserve your man’s ego. Learn to respect him.
This is why Paul admonishes women to SUBMIT to their husbands. If a man must be a man, and carry out his responsibilities as a man, then he must be allowed to LEAD, and the only way he can lead is if you respect him as the man, by placing yourself under his God-given authority as a man. He needs that respect to function. He needs to FEEL IN CHARGE. It’s the way God made the human male, and an attempt to change that with your ridiculous feminist behaviour will disrupt God’s nature in him. Learn this, woman, and STOP BEING DISRESPECTFUL! Running your mouth because you can… You’re being silly. Stop doing that!
𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏: 𝑨 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆. 𝑯𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑷𝑬𝑪𝑻.
That’s why you cannot buy a man flowers. We don’t know how to react to that. But we know how to react to being made to feel like a king! When you cook for a man, and invite him to the dining table like a special guest… when you call him lovely names that swell his head… when you tell the kids “never to sit on daddy’s special chair in the sitting room”… when you show your support for him, and sing his praise any chance you get… when you do these things, HE RELATES TO THEM AS YOU LOVING HIM. In this state, it becomes TOO DAMN EASY for him to treat you just the way you deserve to be treated!
When you acknowledge a man as your king, he will extend his scepter of kingship to you and acknowledge you as his queen. It’s as simple as that. (Esther did it).
So stop talking down on a man. Stop disrespecting a man. Submitting to a man is not a demotion. It’s not slavery. It is a blessing. It is honorable. It is a divine responsibility. You will reap the benefits if you married a good man. When you submit to a man, you are submitting to the Lord without knowing. That means when you respect a man, you are respecting the Lord without knowing. So learn to respect the Lord through your man. (My next post is on SUBMISSION).
Women, on the other hand, relate to love in a different way, which is AFFECTION! A woman does not really need anything else from you more than she needs affection. It is not your money she needs… it is the affection that comes with it. It is not a new car that she needs… it is the affection that comes with it. The sex is not what makes her happy… it is that during sex, there is affection attached. She’s not necessarily telling you her problems because she wants you to solve it, although that would be great… she’s telling you because she wants to be shown affection through it all. She may not get the solution, but she knows a hug from you will make her feel better… It is not really the ice cream she wants. She just really wants to spend time with you and have all your attention while enjoying the ice cream.
AFFECTION is the watchword for women, and that automatically translates to ATTENTION. This is why women need attention, EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE SAYING DOES NOT INTEREST YOU. (This one pain me eh).
So Apostle Paul was admonishing the men, and he said, in return for the respect (submission) she will give you, SHOW HER LOVE (AFFECTION). Don’t take advantage of her because she placed herself under your authority. Because she’s under you, she becomes your responsibility. Your eternal job becomes to KEEP HER HAPPY! As she has made you a king, be her king, and make her a lovely queen. Treat her well.
This is exactly the same with the relationship between God (husband) and the Church (wife). As we make Jesus king, He simply comes down and does kingly things for us. How did Paul and Silas come out of prison? They praised God, and made Him king, and He responded to His bride, and carried out His responsibility as a King and a Husband. How did the wall of Jericho fall? When the people of Israel went round the walls, SINGING PRAISES THAT RECOGNIZED GOD AS KING.
I just gave you the secret to answered prayers. If you want an answer to a problem you’re facing, JUST CROWN JESUS KING OVER THAT SITUATION, and step out of the way, let the king come do His thing. If you’re sick, or troubled about something, just make Jesus king over it, and ask Him to take control. Call him great names. Exalt Him in praise and worship. That’s the secret of miracles! Is somebody getting this rhema?
So in that same way, if a man is to give a woman the love and affection she desires, she is to make him king, and give him the respect he desires and deserves. The men you see today who shower their wives with love were recognized as kings by their wives. It was not magic. It’s principle.
If we are able to learn these expressions of love, then all relationships would grow to achieve the very purpose for which they were designed.
