The dictionary describes the word ‘Open’ and ‘Close’ as opposites. But in a relationship, they are very related. You are “Open” only with the people you are “Close” to them.
So, when people asked me, why did my partner hide things from me? How do they lie to me? Why are they not open to me? I ask, how close are you to your partner? Some people say “we are very close” but I doubt it.
If your partner is close to you, it means they are safe around you, it means they have a certain level of trust in you. I further ask, do you trust your partner? And does your partner trust you? That is when they start talking.
I remember my son dropped something in the kitchen and from the look on his face he was frightened. When I asked what he did, he only shook his head to show he did nothing wrong.
I told him not to be afraid, that I wouldn’t beat him, nor punish him. Then he said he dropped a sachet of water on the floor. I realized he was initially hiding the truth because he didn’t feel safe and was afraid he might be punished because he realized he did something wrong.
Many people have made some mistakes, many have past issues, some have things they want to share with or talk to their partner about it but for fear of rejection, neglect, disappointment, break up, loss of trust, etc they are not able to open up.
If you want your partner to open up to you about everything, share their innermost or deepest feelings, you need to create a safe space for them. Intimacy cannot be achieved without trust and in the same way you cannot really get to know your partner and understand them if they cannot trust you. When trust is established, they will feel safe and comfortable. They will open up and share with you.
In conclusion, “Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?” – Romans 15:2 (MSG).
