1) OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION
When you two are going through an issue, avoid silent treatment, avoid leaving the house to go stay somewhere else, avoid blocking your spouse over the phone, avoid cutting your partner off. Killing communication delays sorting the issue and it escalates to new issues
2) RESTRAINT
When you feel misunderstood by your spouse or offended, you can easily say hurtful things that you regret or want to express your anger or frustration in a manner that might not be pleasant. Control yourself though; do and say only what will help solving the issue
3) REACHING OUT
Both of you should take the initiative of reaching out wanting to bridge the gap. When you wait for your spouse to initiate and your spouse also waits for you; the two of you will drift further apart
4) PEACE
No matter what, give each other peace. Allow each other to feel safe and not attacked. This makes you both less defensive and eager to continue loving
5) AGREEMENT ON THE ISSUE
You may not agree on how you see the issue or how the issue started, but at least agree what the problem is. Be specific. You cannot overcome a mountain until you know which mountain
6) OWNERSHIP
Both of you should own up to your wrongs, faults or shortcomings without finger pointing or arguing who is more to blame. Admission makes it easy to navigate
7) APOLOGY
Where you are wrong, apologize. It shows your spouse you care and are thoughtful
8) FORGIVENESS
Don’t hold grudges. Offer your spouse grace and be willing to move past the issue. Don’t be that person who gives other people grace but can’t do the same for your spouse
9) LISTENING EAR
Listen to each other’s point of view. Even when you feel you are the own hurt, listen to your spouse. Both your thoughts on the issue matter
10) PERSPECTIVE
Yes, the issue might seem big right now but don’t lose sight of how far you have come and how far you two will go. Don’t let a few unpleasant spots ruin the beauty of your journey
11) TOUCH
Progressively bring touch into how you relate. A rub on the shoulder, a hug, a cuddle, a touch on the hand; even if you say nothing, warms the heart
12) AFFIRMATION
During storms, let your spouse know you still love him/her. “Yes, we are going through difficult times right now, but you are still the one I love”
13) APPRECIATION
Tell your spouse thank you for all he/she is. Thank your spouse for working through the issue with you, for being a team player
14) PATIENCE
Addressing issues and healing takes time. Don’t rush the process, celebrate the progress
15) PRAYERS
As you pray, you two will be more connected and will find the strength to make your love more beautiful.
