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HOW TO COMFORT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHEN SHE IS UPSET

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1) Hug her: Pull her against you, but don’t smother her. It is best not to leave her alone even if she says you should, at least not until you’ve tried at least five more times after that, just to be sure. Then when you leave, touch her shoulder, arm or back one last time and say “I’m here when you want me.”

2) Support her: Speak in a low, soft voice and tell her “You’re amazing/beautiful/i love you/etc.” “I’m on your side.” “We’ll figure this out.” “How can I help you feel better?” Getting her to talk to you is good, but a conversation is sometimes impossible, particularly if she is crying. Even if she doesn’t respond, you can keep murmuring reassurances in her ear. Offer to help her. Say “I hate seeing you upset. What can I do to help you?” Reassure her. You can always say something romantic to cheer her up. For example, “I love you so much. We’ll get through this together.” It really helps her a lot.

3) Ask her what’s wrong: If she doesn’t want to tell you, don’t pressure her. But having an idea of what’s upsetting her can help you relieve her fear, sadness, etc. Do not tell her she “shouldn’t be upset” or in any way say she is wrong to feel bad. Feelings are never wrong and you are there to be on her side.

4) Validate her claim: This is not a time for “right” or “wrong” as far as her upset feelings go. Even if you think she is “wrong” to be upset…that is not the point. The point is it upsets her. Do not try and convince her that she is “wrong” unless you want things to get 1,000 times worse. Wait until after you have comforted her and things have completely calmed down before seeking to open a real, calm and logical discussion. Until then, either agree with her (if you really do) or, if you don’t agree, just stick with comforting sounds and hugging. Tell your side later!

5) Light touching works wonders: Even if you’re just a friend, these physical touches are so small they won’t seem overly affectionate. If you’re holding hands, use your thumb to rub small circles on the back of her hand. Running you thumb over her knuckles has the same effect. Placing one hand on the small of her back goes along with the first step, and you can gently hold her against you this way. Also try stroking her hair.

6) Have patience: If your girlfriend is openly sobbing, it may take her a while to cry herself out. Continue these steps as long as necessary, until she’s calmed down. She will love you for it. Do not leave her alone, even if she seems angry or grumpy, unless she has told you before that she prefers to be alone when upset. Written by Danjuma Iliya

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