The real issue in the fear of success is about this; What if it works? Strange but true. Many of us have lofty visions for the future but have withdrawn our permission to succeed because we cannot see ourselves differently from the way we are now!
Everything is in our mind and by extension becomes our reality. Here are some of the debilitating beliefs that fuel our fear of success:
I don’t deserve to succeed beyond a level
Who am I to aspire to the highest position in the organization? That’s only for dreamers. I’m a realist and I don’t fool myself.”
“I don’t ever see myself riding that kind of car” (even though in the inner recesses of your mind, you see yourself behind its steering!)
“There is nobody in my family or circle of friends that has experienced that level of achievement, so why should I be different?”
“As long as I can pay my bills and I don’t owe anyone, I’m content.”
These are some of the subtle, disempowering messages many of us feed our subconscious with on a regular basis. Before I had my first Mercedes Benz, I had always believed it was only for the stinking rich. But one day I convinced myself that if anyone could ride a Benz, so could I? So I went to borrow one from an associate. Without telling him what I needed it for, I simply took a drive around town just to experience the feeling. I loved it and from then on began to tell anyone who cared to listen about my next car, down to the colour even when I had no clue where the money would come from. My dream came true a few weeks thereafter.
‘Success attracts envy’
This thought gnaws at your very soul whenever a part of you wants to strive for the lofty heights in the labyrinths of your dreams especially if in time past you had treated with disdain, people who dared to attain those heights that your mind is now offering you. Shivers run down your spine because you are suddenly hit with the possible reality that this may be payback time? You cannot even bear to accommodate the thought. So you conclude, maybe it’s not worth it afterall!
‘Success exposes one to undue publicity and exposure’
To you, your present obscurity is a form of insurance against public scrutiny. You therefore convince yourself that being in the public eye is not for you. Who wants to hug the headlines and become subject of papparazzi gossip? Well wake up and smell the coffee, no one throws stones at a tree that has no fruits on it! If you recognize that your success is not just about you, you will recognize that this is too small a price to pay. No matter how much you hate publicity, if you are doing anything that touches the core of society at any significant level, people know about you. Even if you try to cover a fire, the smoke will betray its presence!
‘Success exposes one to early death’
This thought pattern convinces you to tread softly so you do not expose yourself to the risk of premature death from people who do not like your face (village witches!) or from the stress of success! Who wants to go through all those endless hours of travel? Too risky you conclude.
Well it is better to live one day as a lion than to live 50 years as a dog!
‘You can’t succeed without being crooked’
This mindset is reinforced by the many stories of corporate disasters around us, especially when we find out that they were orchestrated by individuals we thought were the ultimate role models because of the values they projected. If people like that could be corrupted, do I stand a chance you ask?
Afterall, as the Yoruba would put it, behind every story of wealth are some murky, putrefying issues (Isale oro l’egbin)! The real interpretation of that proverb is that if you are going to succeed significantly, you will have to get your hands dirty (not soiled) through hard work and paying the price of applying yourself to certain time-tested principles. It has nothing to do with cutting corners and wrecking others to succeed.
‘Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown’
This is the mindset that convinces you that the responsibilities attached to prominence are too numerous especially when you seem to be the lone island in an ocean of poverty. Siblings, family members, the larger community would suddenly swoop on you and start making demands ranging from what to eat to being the Chief Launcher at every public event.
However, are these enough reasons for you not to aspire? How do you permanently conquer this terrible psychological Goliath that is nothing but a destiny saboteur?
Convince yourself that you deserve to succeed.
God’s original plan is for man to succeed. My definition of success is the progressive internalization and realization of God’s purpose for an individual. It’s not about a chain of cars or lots of real estate or the billions in the bank. Those are consequences. Purpose is the cause. If you can discover why you are on earth, and pursue it, your success is only a matter of time. If you make money and have all the big toys without defining your raison d’etre, the frustration of the acquisitions will kill you!
Align your God-inspired purpose with a vision and a compelling desire to make the world a better place for all.
Your discovered purpose is the platform of your significance. Imagine yourself solving problems for humanity with your unique peculiarities and skills. Think of lives being saved, people changed, communities developing, smiling faces, children having good education because of something you did. How does that make you feel?
Be comfortable with the reward of relevance.
The world delivers success to you as the reward for your contribution. The universe has been programmed to deliver rewards to you based on your input. Every day of your life, you are living in a harvest. Success is therefore not a pursuit. It is a reward for purposeful living! The only control you have over the degree of your success is limited to your decision to actualize your discovery and the price you are willing to pay to deploy it for greater good.
Be comfortable with people’s reaction.
Whether or not you succeed, people will still talk about you anyway. Your refusal to succeed doesn’t insulate you from the scourge of the mouth. The key issue is, is what they are saying true? If they accuse you of scandal, can the charge stick? To lead the orchestra, you must turn your back to the crowd and face the music. After a good performance, you can face them while they stand on their feet to applaud an excellent performance. It is ok to be envied, maligned as much as it is to be applauded. Don’t be conceited with the applause and don’t be distracted by the disdain. Just keep moving!
Be comfortable with loneliness.
When God gives you a picture of your destiny, He does not call a council meeting with all your family and friends in attendance! It’s just you and Him. Get used to the fact that those who did not see what you saw cannot be expected to do what you ought to do. Rejection is therefore part of the package. A man of purpose is like a mad man dancing to music that others around him cannot hear. When Paul had his Damascus road encounter in Acts 9, the people with him only heard “a voice (Paul’s I presume) but saw no man” even when two people – he and Jesus – had been speaking. You may be lonely, but you are not alone!
Be comfortable with a new circle of friends.
There is nothing that more effectively edits your circle of relationships than the pursuit of a clearly defined destination. When you resolve to pursue purpose, you are also sending notice to those not relevant to the pursuit to exit your life. If you expect all your old friends to be comfortable with your new status, you joke! The good thing about that is that as you go along, you meet fellow travelers whose hearts are, like you, set on pilgrimage. They don’t speak like your old friends. These ones speak the language of your destination, not the language of your history or your frustration. Initially you may feel strange in their company but not to worry, if you stay around them long enough, you will get used to it.
Be comfortable with opposition.
The only thing that does not encounter opposition is a static object. The enemy is not after your reality but your destiny. The battle is over your future! When you choose to follow the destiny path, opposition will come with a disguise and a sign that says STOP WORK! Don’t oblige him! There is far too much involved!
Death is a universal reality.
Even if you wear an armour to bed, you will die one day. Physical death is the guaranteed end of all flesh whether you fail or succeed. Your ancestors died. Younger people than you die, even infants do. So why don’t you pack adventure into your life while it lasts? You have only one life to live. It’s not a rehearsal, you are on stage for a live performance and your audience is already seated waiting on your every move! Between now and when the curtains are drawn – and there is no room for an encore! – you are the one they came to watch!
How can you waste the applause that is waiting for you?
Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!
